Finding hope
by yoomiii
Summary: "This was Alice's dream, her vision of our perfect live, our future together." - This is the story of how Alice and Jasper met the Cullens and how their life changed after joining their family. I plan to cover the time period from their first encounter with the Cullens up to (and potentially also through) the timeline of the books (with some time jumps here and there) [Jasper POV].
1. Chapter 1: Meeting the Cullens

**_Author's note: _**_This is my first story in English (which is not my native language), so if you have any comments regarding language or grammar, I would really appreciate them! Thank you for reading and enjoy the first Chapter :-)_

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"Take a right here", Alice suddenly instructed, and the car wheels shrieked as I yanked the steering wheel around. I was sure, she knew which way we had to go like the back of her hand but resorted to giving me directions in the last minute nonetheless. That seemed just like her. "You know, I rather like this car and would appreciate it, if it made it intact", I remarked and tossed an eye at my mate. Alice sat in the passenger seat, wearing a green petticoat dress with small black dots, and was excited and nervous at the same time. I had tried to calm her down earlier, but she had quickly realised what I was doing and dismissed me. She wanted to feel this. After 30 years of waiting, she was finally so close to getting the family she had always dreamed of.

I sped up, heading further north east. We had left Calgary behind us about half an hour ago and were headed straight for the white peaks of the Canadian Rocky Mountains towering over the tree tops in front of us. It had been a long drive. Three days ago we left Peter and Charlotte in Fort Mackenzie and travelled south towards Montréal, when Alice suddenly decided that it was time. Before even reaching Québec, Alice had found us a car and so we turned westwards. We would have been here much faster, if we were running. But that was of course too risky. Two years of travelling with Alice had turned my eyes orange but I was still far away from the self-discipline my mate exercised. After nearly eighty years of feeding on humans, adapting to animal blood was hard. But resisting the constant temptation was even harder. I shoved the thought away, testing the Jaguar's limits.

"So, what is the plan here? Do you want me to drive up all the way to the house or does it seem weird for an unknown car to park in their driveway?", I asked and tossed the petite vampire next to me another look. "You focus on the road Jazz. And you can drive right up to the house, they are not home anyway", she replied and squealed as I hit the brakes. "They are not _there_?", I echoed her words and turned to look at her, confused by what she had just said. "Then why exactly did you make me drive all the way from the East Cost in one sitting to come here?" Alice shook her head softly and stretched out a hand to slide a strand of my honey blond hair behind my ear. "Jasper, darling, don't be so impatient. I meant that they are not there _right now_. Please remember that I have planned this for the last 30 years. And if you will not continue to drive now, we will be late", she told me and I sighed. Of course, Alice had some elaborate plan on how we were to meet our new family.

_Our new family_, the thought echoed in my mind as I shifted gears and continued down the road. It was still a strange concept for me. Even though I had spent a large time of my new life in a substantially large group of vampires, I enjoyed the last two years travelling exclusively with Alice. But this was Alice's dream, her vision of our perfect live, our future together. From the first day we met, she kept telling me stories of this family, the vegetarians, and how we would one day be part of it. I had my reservations, of course. Not about them not liking Alice. That was impossible. But the idea, that they would easily welcome two unknown vampires into their family, was strange to me. Especially, since – with the exception of Alice – all foreign vampires that I had met in the last decade, shied away from me. Or attacked.

I had given my best to cover my scars, wearing a black turtleneck with long sleeves even though it was almost July. Alice did not approve of the choice. She had chosen a completely different ensemble for me but eventually gave in, since my mind was set on covering all the scars I possibly could. "Take a left here and then we should be nearly there!", Alice squealed from excitement and I felt her hand on my right leg, gently squeezing my thigh. I took the turn she instructed and about ten minutes later, we arrived at the mansion. It was a huge house, stone built with lots of windows and wooden details. There were two cars already parked in the driveway and I aligned our Jaguar right next to them.

I hadn't even turned off the engine when Alice already jumped out of the passenger seat and slammed the door behind her. Rolling my eyes, I followed her up and around the house. She stopped on the huge porch, peering into the into the family's living room through the big windows. I joined her, sighing at my appearance when I caught my reflection in the glass. While the right side of my jaw was a perfectly straight line, the left jaw line seemed blurry. One might have suspected a spot on the glass, but I knew this was not the case. The left side of my jaw and neck were covered in bite marks, standing out from my skin and turning the otherwise straight line into of a wavy mess. Alice had once asked me, why there were more bites on the left side of my neck, and I did not have an answer for her. I had never really cared for it and after a minute settled for the fact, that most people were right-handed and thus tended to turn their head to the left when kissing – or in my case – biting someone.

"We've arrived just in time. They should return from their hunting trip in a few minutes. Come Jazz, let's greet them out back", Alice interrupted my thoughts and took my hand, leading me around away from the house and into the woods. We ran through the dense forest, a straight line from the mansion and finally stopped on a small clearing. I could tell from the blank look on her face, that she was having another vision and waited patiently until her eyes fluttered open. "How far out?", I asked, but her answer turned unnecessary as, just in that moment, my trained ears registered movement in the woods.

Not a minute later, a group of five vampires appeared on the other side of the clearing and came to a stop. Alice had described them to me in avid detail many times, such that I had no problem to tell them apart. Carlisle Cullen, the leader - or as Alice called it "father" of the family - stood at the front. On his right and left side were his two "sons", Edward with the bronze hair and Emmett, a mountain of a man, with dark curly hair. Behind them, the women: Esme and Rosalie. I could not help but tense at the sight of Emmett's impressive stature. If a fight would ensue, I wagered that he would pose the greatest threat, which was why I had to keep an eye on him. At the same time, I knew that if things went South, I would not be able to protect Alice. Not alone. Not while being weakened by the animal blood. Thus, I decided, that it would be best to control the situation from the beginning, keeping tempers down and possibly avoiding any confrontation.

Reaching out with my talent, I tried to grasp their reaction. I could feel, that they were just as tense as me. Surprised, curious but also on guard - warned by my appearance. Nothing I didn't expect. My scars were the first thing any vampire noticed, basically invisible to humans but not to our enhanced sight. And they screamed danger. However, I couldn't make out anything that would indicate them planning to attack. This was a good start, but I still decided to stir their curiosity while at the same time calming them. Better safe than sorry.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Alice stepping out from behind me and I resisted the urge to grab her and pull her back. "It is so nice to finally meet you all!", she said in her cheery way and got even closer to the group of vampires. I followed her, keeping close and watching the coven as well as their emotions carefully. "I am Alice and this is my mate, Jasper", she introduced us and held out her hand to Carlisle. I had made her promise not to jump and hug them instantly and was glad to see, that she was keeping her word. The blonde vampire was surprised but I could not sense any danger from him, which is why I did not react as he took Alice's tiny hand into his own. "Pleased to meet you, I am…", he started to introduce himself as well, but of course Alice interrupted him. "Carlisle, I know. And Edward, Emmett, Rosalie, and Esme. Ah, we are going to get along splendidly.", she said with a big smile on her face and I could feel the rush of positive feelings that was going through her.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Edward had shifted his look, from staring at me to now focusing on my angel. "She has visions, Carlisle. She has seen them be a part of our family", he said with an intrigued look on his face. I was just as surprised as the rest of the coven for a moment. How did he – but then I remembered: Alice hat told me, that Edward could read the thoughts of others around him. "Remarkable", Carlisle noted and let go of Alice's hand. She nodded eagerly and her smile grew even wider: "So, which room can Jasper and I move into?" My eyes widened in disbelief. _She did not really just say that, _I thought. But, of course, she did. It was Alice I was thinking about after all.

"Well, why don't you two come back to the house with us and tell us a bit more about you, before we are talking room arrangements?", Carlisle responded with a small smile on his face. I could feel that he liked Alice's enthusiasm, although he was taken aback by her question. Alice was quick to accept this invitation, turned and already started to run for the house. I did not feel fully comfortable turning my back on five strangers but had no other option than to followed her. However not before I overheard Emmett muttering: "She sure needs no directions."

This first encounter went better then what I had hoped for and judging from Alice's emotions, she felt the same way. Actually, she was so overflowing with relief, joy and excitement, that it was hard for me to stand close to her without being completely consumed by it. This was something I usually welcomed, but there was still potential for all of this to go wrong and I wanted to keep a clear head. If something went southwards, I would have to react fast.

Carlisle led all us into the living room and they arranged themselves on the two large white leather couches. Rosalie on one, and Carlisle, Esme and Edward on the other. I tensed up when I noticed that Emmett was missing. Something was going on. Esme offered us the armchairs, but I preferred to stand next to Alice while her little figure nearly disappeared in the big, soft chair. Especially, since the biggest and possibly strongest of them all was missing.

Finally, Emmett entered the room a minute later, placed himself next to Rosalie and noted: "There's a nice new car out front." – "That would be ours", I replied and relaxed a bit. He had just been admiring the Jaguar and not tried to attack us from behind. Everything was fine. Or at least it seemed this way. "Why don't you start by telling us, why you have come looking for us?", Esme said, and I liked the warm, welcoming undertone I heard in her voice. Her emotions mirrored it and I could imagine that people liked being around her. She certainly fit the mother role Alice had described her taking on in this family.

"It is like Edward said before. I have visions of the future. When I was turned, I lost all memory of my human life. In the beginning, I only had my visions. My first vision was of Jasper here, but I quickly started seeing you as well. First, it was only Carlisle and Edward. I saw how you lived, how your family grew and how Jasper and I would become a part of this family, once I found him over and over again. This is why we came here. We want to become part of your family", Alice recounted her story and added, "I especially adore the view from Edward's room, by the way." My eyes widened again as I took a sharp breath, while at the same time pushing down her excitement a notch. This was about to get out of hand. Luckily, the Cullens started to laugh at her words and I could feel that Esme and Carlisle were already starting to like her. And I fully understood how.

"She's telling the truth. Not only about my room, but also her visions. I can see them when she thinks of them", Edward remarked and while, I was not very keen on having my thoughts listened to at first, I had to admit that in this situation it was very useful. "Well, this is unexpected. Please, tell us a little more about yourselves? I noticed that you're vegetarians as well?", Carlisle now said, the smile resting on his face. "Yes, we are. I started on that path right after I had my first vision of you, and I am very grateful that you showed me this alternative Carlisle. Even though you were not aware of it at the time, of course. I couldn't stand the thought of having to kill humans…", Alice said and sported a thankful smile. "Jasper is still quite new to it, he only turned vegetarian after we met about two years ago", she then added, and I could feel five sets of eyes turning to me.

From what Alice had told me, all the vampires in this room, including Carlisle, had been vegetarians since their rebirth – with a few slipups here and there. I was different, had lived for nearly one century feeding on human blood. I returned their gaze and was not sure, if they expected me to say something. Luckily, Esme relieved me of the choice by asking: "What made you decide to change, Jasper?"

It had been clear to me, that I would have to share my story. However, I was not sure how much I wanted to share upfront while I still was not sure, whether they were to be trusted. "You can trust us Jasper, we do not mean you any harm, both of you", I heard Edwards voice the moment this thought crossed my mind. Of course, he was listening. _Get out of my head_, I thought and sighed, watching my next thoughts before answering Esme's question: "Like Alice and Edward, I have a special ability. I can feel and influence the emotions of those around me – humans and vampires alike. This made it very…", I was looking for the right word, "_inconvenient_ to kill humans. I sensed their every feeling as if it was my own – their fear of death, their sorrow over a life lost, the pain shooting through their body as the blood was sucked from it..." I paused for a moment and looked at Alice who had turned in her spot and taken my hand, gently caressing the back of it with her thumb.

"Living like this for decades messed with my head. I got depressed. But I did not know there was another way. Until I found Alice and she convinced me to give animals a shot", I proceeded and gently squeezed her hand. "Frankly, it is still quite difficult for me to restrain myself when I am too close to humans", I closed and Alice quickly added: "But he has made immense progress over the last years." I could not hold back a smile at her quick intervention to paint me in a better light. I could feel that the mood in the room had turned dark while I was talking, but was lightening up again. Still, I felt it could not hurt to push it up a bit more.

"Wait, you said you lived like that for decades, how old are you man?", Emmett now asked and suddenly seemed very interested in the conversation. "Not as old as you might think. I was turned during the civil war, 1863. Alice in 1920", I replied and felt my angel growing impatient. Not a minute later, she couldn't contain herself anymore and blurted: "And? Can we stay?" I smiled at the fact, that the vegetarians hardly reacted to her outbursts anymore. They had gotten used to them very quickly.

"This is all very interesting and I would love to hear more of these stories, both of yours. However, you have come here to become part of this coven and we consider ourselves a family. Thus, we need to decide this together. Would you mind giving us some time to discuss?", Carlisle asked in return and Alice jumped to her feet. "Sure, I have spotted _THE_ cutest dress on our way here. We will go to the city and do a little bit of shopping. I will know, once you have reached a decision", she proclaimed, and I grinned, her excitement for the upcoming shopping trip hitting me like a slap in the face. Rosalie suddenly sparked some interest but did not say something. Alice took my hand and we both went outside, she happy to get the dress she liked and me, relieved that I did not have to bare all my history in front of some strangers I hardly knew. I feared that they would turn us down because of my violent past, if they knew.

Alice took her seat and I circled around the car to get to mine, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to meet Edward's golden eyes. Of course, I had forgotten that the mind reader must have listened to our every thought. "What didn't you tell us?", he asked in a low voice, quiet enough for Alice not to understand him. I looked to the ground and then quickly flashed through my memories of Maria and my time with the new-borns, relieved that I did not have to find the words to explain these details of my past that haunted me still. I didn't show him everything but enough detail for Edward to get a grasp of what I had done. Or so I hoped. "Do with it what you think right", I said and climbed into the car. Edward nodded and turned back to the house. Hoping that I didn't just ruin it all, I pressed the pedal to the medal and the Jaguar dashed out of the driveway and back onto the road.


	2. Chapter 2: Can we stay?

We found the boutique in which Alice had spotted the maroon colored dress with ease. "Do you want to stay in the car?", she asked me once I had turned off the engine and I felt her hand on my forearm. I looked up from the steering wheel and into the store. It did not seem too busy from here. "No, I'll be fine", I decided and patted her hand before exiting the car and opening her door.

A big smile lit up Alice's face while she opened the entrance door and danced inside. Of course, my angel did not end up trying on only that one dress. By the time we got to the women's dressing rooms, she had decided upon six different dresses, three petticoats, two blouses and a hat. I placed everything into her cubicle for her and then went to wait outside, just as custom demanded. I waited in front of the cubicles, leaning my back against the wall with a "changing rooms this way"-sign on it and listening to Alice changing in and out of gowns in vampire speed.

My thoughts were lingering on the previous encounter and I hoped that I did not ruin everything by not being completely straightforward with my backstory. Not, that they had asked. But if I was in their shoes, I would have wanted to know that the person I was letting into my family had killed not only humans but nearly as many vampires before. Pushing the thought out of my mind, I remembered to let my gaze wander through the store and to shift my weight from time to time, just as Alice had instructed me to do the first time we went out among humans.

Although Alice and I had been hunting the previous night, I had stopped breathing once we entered the building. It was safer this way. It didn't take long before a saleswoman passed me, her client in tow. Unfortunately, they stopped at a display right to my left. Close enough for me to hear their heart beating. To see the blood pulsing under their soft pink skin. I could feel the venom gathering in my mouth as my throat began to ache. I suddenly had the taste of human blood in my mouth, remembered how it felt, the satisfaction it provided. The strength it gave me. Trying to resist the urge to attack the women, my jaw clenched and my hand hat grabbed the clothing rack next to me. The aluminium gave in under my strength and I was on the brink of giving in to the temptation, when Alice saved me by calling out my name.

Half-consciously, I followed her voice to the fitting room she was in and she did not hesitate a second before pulling me into the cubicle with her. "Easy Jazz, concentrate on me", I heard her soft voice permeated trough the pounding of human hearts echoing in my head. I felt her fingers caressing my cheek, while she quietly whispered, that everything was going to be alright. I tried to do what she asked from me, closing my eyes and focusing on her steady breathing. And then it happened.

Just like the night when I first met her, her emotions washed over me and dulled everything else. That night in Philadelphia, this had been the reason I stayed with her. Sure, at first it was curiosity. Who would not be curious, if someone you'd never met before, greeted you with your name and said, that she had been waiting for you? But the reason, why I decided to follow her to her apartment, was the way she made me feel.

I had spent many months wandering the countryside, completely absorbed by my thirst and depression. At one point, I had even considered going back south to join another army and let the new-borns take care of me on the battle field. Fortunately, I did not go through with this plan before reaching Philadelphia. Before reaching Alice. From the moment I sat down next to her, when she laid her hand on mine, I felt things I hadn't felt for years. All her joy, relief and excitement completely captivated me. She gave me hope - an emotion I had never felt in my new life before. And in the rush of her feelings, I believed every word she told me. It was enough to convince me that we were supposed to be and I haven't left her side since.

Slowly, I opened my eyes again and was greeted by the most beautiful smile in this world. "Thank you", I said affectionately and took her hand into mine, placing a gentle kiss on the back of it. My bloodlust was not gone - it never did - but I felt back in control again. "I have one more dress to go, then we can leave", she promised and I nodded, leaving the room to give her space. The saleswoman was still close by and shot me a disapproving look but did not bother to come over and lecture me on how these were the women's changing rooms and I had no business of being in there.

Two minutes later, Alice finished and decided to buy the maroon dress she had her heart set on, as well as a new petticoat and a light-blue blouse. We went to the checkout, where she paid for everything and then handed me the bags. I was taking the bags from her, when I noticed that her expression had gone blank. Another vision. Did the Cullens decide? Gently, I laid my arm around her, guiding her to the exit and onto the sidewalk. I was opening the car door, still having my arm around her in case she would faint, when suddenly she let out a joyful cry. "They are letting us stay Jazz! They want to get to know us better before making their final decision but that doesn't matter, we can stay!", she exclaimed and threw her hands around my neck.

Normally, Alice accepted my upbringing and did not care too much for displaying affection in public either, but under these circumstances I could understand her reaction, and embraced her as well. Her emotions were like a drug for me and for one sweet moment, I enjoyed being bathed in her joy. Then, however, I straightened up, calmed her down and let go of my angel. "So, what do we do now?", I asked her while opening the passenger seat door. "We are going back of course! I have to share my new dress with Rosalie and Esme", she decided and took her seat while I quickly stowed the bags in the trunk and then got into the driver's seat.

The way back to the Cullen mansion seemed longer to me than before, which was of course nonsense. When we arrived there, the sun had already set, and dim lights provided the mansion with a warm glow. If it were up to me, I would have left Alice's shopping turnout and our travel bags in the Jaguar for the time being, but my angel insisted that I should bring them, since she had already seen that we would be given our own room. Emmett answered the door and gave the bags in my hand a puzzled look: "How'd you…?", he started, then looked at Alice and understood. "Ah, alright. This is going to take some getting used to", he said and let us in.

The others came from the living room and Esme smiled at the sight of our luggage. "Shall I show you where you can put these?", she asked me and I turned to Alice. She, however, had already started talking to Rosalie, which led me to accept Esme's offer. But before following the caramel-haired vampire upstairs, I shot Edward a quick glance. _Did you tell them?, _I thought and the bronze-haired vampire shook his head quickly. I sighed in relief. _Thank you_. Then, I followed Esme upstairs into their guest room.

I placed our bags on the floor next to the wardrobe. It would be better if Alice unpacked, since 80% of the stuff was hers anyway and all of my clothes had been bought by her as well. "Is this all you have?", Esme asked and I nodded. "That's not a lot. How long have you two been travelling?", she further inquired, and I straightened my back before answering: "For about two years now. Alice has this obsession with clothes and refuses to wear the same thing twice. This keeps our luggage to a minimum, since she buys new stuff anyway whenever we get somewhere." I chuckled at the thought of my shopping obsessed companion and Esme laughed warmly. "I think Rosalie, Alice and I will get along splendidly in this department. You seem to be a bit more practical, am I right?", she said in response, when we left the room and I nodded again. "I was certainly. I had been travelling alone for many years before meeting Alice. As long as I had a pair of sturdy boots and a weatherproof coat, I was good", I explained and added, "however, Alice did not approve of this look". Esme laughed once more and I knew, that it would be easy to like her, not only for Alice but also for me. She exuded this warmth, that made me feel comfortable being around her.

Alice and Rosalie crossed us at the top of the stairs, on their way to look at the new dress and Esme joined them spontaneously. Now alone, I thought about what to do, when I spotted an open door at the end of the corridor. The light was on and I could recognize book shelves from where I was standing. Since literature was one of my biggest passions, I decided to see who was in there and found Carlisle sitting at a big wooden desk. "Jasper, come in", the older vampire said when he noticed me and closed his book. _This must be his office_, I thought and let my eyes wander through the room. Except for one wall, which displayed multiple paintings, shelves took over most of the wall space in the room.

"I'm sorry, I did not want to disturb you", I apologized politely, eyeing the books to my right. "Never mind, I was done with the chapter anyway", the vampire replied and I could feel him looking at me. "Do you like to read?", he asked and I resisted the urge to nod, since my military training demanded to show my superior respect by answering in full sentences. Thus, I replied: "Yes, I do. History and Philosophy for the most part, but I also enjoy classic literature." I turned to him and saw a smile appear on the blond vampire's face. "Feel free to take any of my books if you like. I don't mind sharing", he offered and I thanked him while eyeing the book he was reading at the moment. 'Cardiovascular Diseases' was written on the cover in big black letters. As if he had read my thoughts, the blonde explained: "Medicine is one of my greatest passions. And I am very lucky to be able to practice it."

Startled, I looked up and straight into his eyes: "Practice? Like, on humans?" He nodded and then told me, that he was working as a surgeon. It had taken him years and years of practice, but now he was nearly immune to the attraction of human blood. I was impressed. Never would I have thought that something like that was possible. "That is really impressive. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to get there", I said, taking the seat Carlisle offered me. "Thank you. It was and it took a long time. But it was worth it", he answered and folded his hands on the table. "How is it going for you? How are you adjusting to being thirsty all the time?"

His words made my throat ache and I swallowed dryly to make it go away. He was referring to the fact that, in contrast to human blood, animal blood never fully satisfied us. "I can handle the feeling of it… I tried to minimize my feedings before. It was a constant trade-off between an aching throat and having to endure the emotions of my victims. However, during that time I also avoided humans as much as possible. It's not the thirst, that's challenging. It's being among them. It's the temptation…Hearing their heart beat, smelling their blood, seeing it pulsing through their veins… But not being able to act. I am not used to restraining myself. For years I could satisfy my hunger whenever I pleased. Now, when I get to close to them, sometimes my instincts just take over. Or at least they try to… Do you know what I mean?", I said and ran my hand through my hair. "Yes, I think I can imagine what you mean. Just know, that we are here to help you. I am sure, you can do it", Carlisle replied and gave me an encouraging smile.

I didn't want to talk about me anymore, so I let my gaze wander and found myself interested in the collection of paintings on the wall to our right. "Are you interested in art as well?", I asked him and rose to take a closer look of the work. "Only if it means something to me", Carlisle replied and followed me. There were multiple pictures from several eras, and it made me question how old he was. "Some of these are very old…", I mentioned and looked at the blonde vampire from the side. "Yes, they are. I was born in London at the beginning of the 1640s. My father was a priest who believed not only in god but also in the supernatural…", he said and began to tell me his story.

It was an impressive tale and I felt myself captivated by it. Carlisle was a very good storyteller. He had been a vampire hunter, turned into the very beast he hated so much. Apparently, he had tried to kill himself multiple times, a part of his story which I could relate to. Driven by hunger, he eventually fed on a deer and found that there was another way of living for creatures like us. From that point on, he started to embrace his immortality, travelling the world and studying multiple subjects, which eventually led him to medicine and through his work as a doctor to Edward and Esme. I could tell, from the way he spoke, that he had truly found his calling and was happy with the live he now had. I was glad for him, and could relate to his search for something that fulfilled him. I had never felt complete before I found Alice.

"Thank you for sharing this with me", I said as he ended his impressive tale and I felt even guiltier now, knowing that he had been so open and I hadn't been completely forthcoming. I let the thought linger while I studied the pictures and finally recognized him in one of them. "Is this you?", I asked, pointing out the figure. He nodded and said: "Yes, that was in Italy, in the early nineteen-hundreds. I was with" – "the Volturi", I interrupted. The crest, which the figures sported, was familiar to me, but it had taken me a moment to realize what it meant. "Yes, the Volturi. I am surprised that you know them. From what you told us, I did not expect that you have visited Europe", Carlisle responded. I sighed. He had entrusted me with his story, it was only fair for me to follow.

"I don't know the people in the painting. I just know their crest. Everyone knew it, when I was fighting in the South", I clarified, turning away from the picture. "I am not sure I follow…", he said, and I clenched my jaw, absently rubbing my forearm before asking him: "Have you ever heard of the Southern vampire wars?" - "I have heard of them. Vampires used armies of new-borns to secure territories in the South. I was with the Volturi shortly after they returned from their … cleansing", Carlisle answered and I nodded. "Only the war went on, long after the Volturi left. To the best of my knowledge, some are still fighting today", I explained. "I was part of a new-born army for the bigger part of my new life. That's where I know the crest from." Carlisle's look had been focused on my face and I was wondering, if he was studying the marks on my jaw. His feelings did not give me a clue either. I couldn't find disgust, fear or anger in him. He was more… curious. "Jasper, would you like to tell me your story?", he asked and gestured to the seats we had taken before, when he told me about his life. I didn't feel like I had much of a choice.

"I was a Major in the Texas cavalry during the civil war. The youngest actually, even without considering that I pretended to be three years older than I actually was, when I signed up", I started and let myself fall into the chair. Carlisle sat opposite to me and seemed very interested in what I had to tell. "It was at the battle of Galveston. I had just evacuated a convoy of women and children and was riding back to camp when I came across three women. One of them, Maria, was building a new-born army and felt that a soldier would perfectly fit her ranks."

"My military knowledge turned out to be useless against the new-borns but somehow, I managed to survive my first battles. Maria quickly grew fond of me. My talent and charisma were useful for her, I could keep the younglings calm – civilized – when we were away from the battlefield, which minimized losses immensely. I climbed in rank, and when I reached my first year, she decided to let me live and make me her second in command."

"My task was to train the new-borns, lead them to battle and - when they lost their new-born strength - dispose of them. It was Maria's strategy to never let the fighters live longer than their first year but, at the same time, disciplining them enough that we flew under the radar and did not have to worry about the Volturi coming back. At the time, this was the only life I knew. That's why I stayed, even when all the killing and aggression nearly made me go crazy because of my special ability", I told him and paused for a moment to gather my thoughts and decide how I should continue.

"Your talent is very interesting. How exactly does it work?", Carlisle interrupted my thoughts and I had to think about how I could explain this in the most comprehensible way, before answering: "It's different from Edward's or Alice's. More physical. It's not like I look at someone and then know that they are happy or angry or sad. I feel what they are feeling as if these emotions were my own. When I first turned, I had this endless hunger and couldn't satisfy it, no matter how much I killed. It took me a while to figure out, that I did not only feel my own thirst but the other's as well. After I mastered my talent enough to distinguish between my own and other feelings, I realized that it worked both ways. That I could also influence other people's emotions in the same way they influenced me."

Carlisle nodded thoughtfully. Since there was no indication of him having more questions at the moment, I returned to my story: "It was around the beginning of the 1920s when I grew fond of Peter, one of our younglings. He was a crazy optimist, his character did not fit the army life at all. And still he had combat skills l like I had never seen before. He survived the first year and I convinced Maria to let him live. But two years later, he made a mistake. He fell in love. When Maria told me to dispose of his mate, Charlotte, he freed her and ran. I could have probably stopped them, but I could not find it in me. So, I let them go. Maria was furious and, over time, turned from me."

"I knew she wanted to kill me and was prepared to do the same, when Peter returned and told me that there were no fights up North. No new-born armies, no territories. He had lived with Charlotte peacefully for five years before coming back for me. I did not hesitate one moment before leaving with him and stayed with them for the most part of the following decade. But my depression kept with me. I did not have to kill my comrades anymore, but I still had to feed... At some point I realized that my friends had a hard time being around me, since I frequently lost control of my talent and transmitted my feelings uncontrollably on everyone else. That's when I decided it was better for me, to be alone."

"I went further north and traveled around for the next few decades, until I stumbled upon Alice in in Philadelphia. And she had of course waited for me…" I chuckled at the thought of the small vampire, getting off her chair, offering me her hand and telling me, that I had made her wait quite some time. "Meeting Alice has changed everything for me. She showed me, that there was another way. That there was hope, even for someone like me. The same night we first met, she told me about you and your family. And she has talked about you and your family nearly every day since", I concluded and looked up at Carlisle, realizing that I had stared at the wooden desk most of the time, concentrating on how he reacted to my story emotionally.

"Thank you for giving her this chance, I really appreciate it. She would have been crushed, if you had rejected us", I said, now looking him straight into the eyes. Carlisle was silent for a moment and then said: "You are welcome, Jasper. And thank you for your honesty. Your story was very interesting for me. I had learned some things about the wars in the South from the Volturi in my time there, but I have never met someone who lived through them." I nodded, thinking of Peter and Charlotte. "There are not many of us left, even fewer up here in the North", I responded and looked at Carlisle, trying to judge if he had any more questions. I could see that he was thinking about something, but was not sure what it was. There were no clear emotions to read either, he was jumping from melancholy to worry, to guilt, confidence and back to melancholy, all while looking at me thoughtfully.

After a few minutes in which he had not moved, I decided to get up and look for Alice. "Do you mind if I borrow one of your books?", I asked, passing the book shelves on my way to the door. Carlisle shook his head with a with a warm smile: "Of course not, it is why I offered". It didn't take me long to find a book about the history of the area we were currently in and took it with me, again thanking Carlisle for the kind offer and leaving him alone in his office.

I heard Alice's voice from a room adjacent to the one we would be staying in and stepped closer. Since the door was halfway open, I knocked against the door frame before carefully pushing it open, revealing Alice and Rosalie standing in front of a huge wardrobe. Esme was sitting on the bed, surrounded by multiple items of clothing. "Jazz!", my angel exclaimed happily and gestured towards the wardrobe, "Rosalie has impeccable taste! This is all so exciting. We have already decided to go shopping in Calgary this Saturday!" A gentle smile appeared on my lips, looking at my love so full of enthusiasm and joy. "That sound's great Alice", I replied but could not find half of her enthusiasm in me for the upcoming shopping trip. Hopefully I would not have to go.

"Oh, I see you have found Carlisle's library?", Esme asked me, pointing at the book in my hand. "Yes, I have. He offered that I could read whatever I liked", I replied and weighted the book in my palm. "You know what, now that we have you two together, why don't we give you a tour of the house?", Esme proposed, getting up from the bed. "That sound's wonderful", Alice accepted the offer immediately and came towards me, softly brushing my forearm with her small hand in passing. "Sure, why not", I agreed and followed the females downstairs.


	3. Chapter 3: Hunting

The house tour ended in Esme's sewing-room on the first floor. Alice had of course known nearly every room as if she had lived in this house for months. I, however, was thankful for Esme's tour. "Oh Esme, can I read them? Please?", my angel asked immediately as she laid eyes on a shelf with dozens, no hundreds, of fashion magazines from all over the world. "Of course, my dear", the caramel-haired vampire replied and together we watched as Alice took a huge pile into her tiny arms. "Thank you", she said, eyeing the magazines with sparkling eyes. "Let me carry them for you. You'll fall down the stairs", I offered, since the pile was reaching up just beneath her nose and there was no way she would be able to see the stairs, she was headed towards. "I am a vampire, I will not fall…", she protested but - after receiving a quick vision - changed her mind and gave in: "Okay, I will fall. Thank you." I carefully took the pile out of her hands and headed towards the stairs. "Was this one of your visions?", Esme asked excitedly and I overheard Alice nodded, explaining her how her gift works while they followed me down into the living room.

Edward was sitting at the grand piano, looking up as I entered and placed the magazines on the floor next to the couch. The pile was high enough to reach the armrest. "Don't look at me", I said and held my hands up, noticing his curious look. Seconds later Alice sat on the couch, the first magazine in her hand. Esme had apparently decided to join her, taking a seat next to her, a French magazine in her lap. Edward continued his song and I chose to join the girls as well, however I preferred Carlisle's book over fashion magazines. When I came back down, I noticed Carlisle and Edward standing at the piano, having some sort of silent conversation. I could feel tension in the air, but it was swiftly resolved before I even had the chance to use my talent. I did not worry about it too much.

We had been silently reading for almost two hours, the room filled with Edward's soft tunes and the occasional rustle of paper, when the music suddenly stopped and was replaced with Edward's cursing. Carlisle – who had continued reading the book he had in his office before - Esme, Alice and I looked up in synchrony and I immediately focused on my gift to find out what was going on. And then it hit me. Desire, so intense and strong, that I immediately held my breath and got to my feet. The feeling didn't abide, it only got more intense with the second. _Who the hell_, I thought and backed away a few feet. Feeling someone else's lust was something I was not at all used to or comfortable with. _It's not coming from anyone in this room, so it had to be_ "Emmett and Rosalie", Edward completed my thought and I looked over to him. Remembering his talent, I understood that this was just as uncomfortable for him, as it was for me. "Jazz, are you okay?", I heard Alice's worried voice but I could not look at her at the moment. Not while Emmett and Rosalie's emotions were taking a hold on me and I had a hard time keeping them separate. "I'm fine, I just… I need some air", I finally said, leaving the book on the coffee table and hurriedly fleeing the house.

After a few hundred meters I finally couldn't feel _them_ anymore and returned to breathing steadily. This must have been the most awkward and uncomfortable situation I have ever been him. I tried to remember, if something similar had happened when I stayed with Peter and Charlotte after quitting Maria, but I had been too consumed by my depression to notice anything of the sort. "Well, I am glad there is finally someone who understands how this is for me", I heard Edward say as he slowly approached me. I could only feel sorry for him. As far as Alice told me, he did not yet meet his mate and had to live in a household with two – soon maybe three – happy couples. How long had he put up with this? "I don't think I have ever felt that uncomfortable in my life before", I admitted and saw a smile appear on the bronze-haired vampire's lips.

"Come on, I'll show you where we hunt", he proposed and turned to the forest. I hesitated, looking back to the house where Alice was all alone with four other vampires. Two, considering that Emmett and Rosalie must have been more focused on themselves at the moment. "She'll be fine. You've got to start to trust us, if this is going to work out. After all, we trusted you two to stay", Edward commented and I hissed, because he was listening to my private thoughts again. But he was right, and I could really use a hunt after what had happened in the store before.

At the beginning, I could easily keep up with the other vampire, but after a few miles Edward started to speed up. I understood, that he was curious to measure his speed against mine. _Show me what you've got_, I thought, intrigued to test whether I could beat him. I couldn't. We had raced about 55 miles from the house, when I finally admitted my defeat. I was no match for Edward. _You win_, I thought, slowing down my own speed and coming to a halt. I could feel that Edward was pleased with his victory but impressed by my performance nonetheless. "That was impressive, I don't think anyone has ever come as close to beat me", he said and I shrugged with my shoulders. "No one has bested me before", I admitted, thinking about the countless races I had with Peter and some oterh newborns in the past. "Who is that? I have seen him a few times in your memories", Edward now asked and I reminded myself to be more careful with what I was thinking about. Still, I replied: "Peter. He is a very close friend." I could feel, that Edward wanted to know more, but in this moment we both heard a growl, coming from northeast.

"Mountain lion", Edward noted and gestured in the animal's direction, "Go ahead, if you like." He needn't say that twice. I dashed off into the right direction, focusing on my senses to locate the animal. It was easy for me to find the predator, who was stalking a deer that ran for it's life, as soon as it smelled me coming. Before the animal even knew what was happening to him, I was on it, smashing its skull with my bare hands and tearing it's throat open. My teeth sank into its warm flesh and while the taste of animal blood still disgusted me, I also enjoyed being able to feed without having to endure the endless pain and fear my victim.

After I finished the lion, I hunted down its previous prey, the deer. I had just ended it as well, wiping my mouth with the sleeve of my jumper, when Edward appeared. It occurred to me, that he hadn't hunted but been observing me the whole time from a save distance. Of course it was understandable, since he had already hunted before Alice and I surprised them. However there was a tad too much curiosity in him for my taste. I didn't say anything at first, since he immediately explained that they buried their kills. It was their way to ensure that they could be feeding in the same area for longer periods of time, without attracting attention.

Although the idea seemed odd to me, I did what he asked me to do and together we buried the carcasses I had produced. It was not the first time I dug a grave with my bare hands. Sometimes, in the past, when my victim's emotions haunted me, I had continued to bury them - hoping it would give me some peace. It had never worked. Stepping away from the makeshift grave, I noticed Edward's glance lingering on me. Again. He had observed my every action during the last hour very carefully and it just didn't feel right. It didn't feel like simple curiosity. There seemed to be a motive behind it. "Spit it out", I finally said, wiping my hands clean at the sides of my trousers and looking him straight into the golden eyes. "What do you mean?", he replied, playing clueless. _I know you heard my thoughts. Don't play dumb. Why are you analysing me_, I thought, trying to hold down the anger that was building up inside of me. Did he really think I was so easily deceived?

I could feel that he was taken aback by my reaction, conflicted. But he did not avert my gaze. "I was wondering: Why didn't you tell us - the others - about what happened to you?", he finally admitted and I laughed dryly, turning away from him and looking at the rays of dim morning light, falling through the trees. "You wouldn't understand." – "I can read your thoughts, I am sure I can follow", he answered, stepping closer and into my sight again. "It is obvious you do not. Look at how you phrased your question! This is not something that _happened to me. _It's something_ I did_", I spat out, clenching my fists. I was not angry at Edward for his question. It was understandable. Alice had made the same mistake. They both saw my past as something that happened to me. Like I was the victim in this bloody story of war and death. But I knew better. I wasn't the victim. I was the monster.

"But you said yourself, that you did not know that there was another way. Until you found Alice", he objected, using my words from before against me. I looked at him with cold eyes. _I might not have known, that there were parts of this world, where vampires do not fight for territories. Or that we can sustain off animal blood. But I still knew, it was wrong to kill my soldiers. Wrong to kill all these innocent people. But I still did. I didn't run away. Even after Peter's successful escape, I stayed_, I countered in my thoughts and could see, that Edward wanted to say something more but decided otherwise, realizing that my mind would not easily be changed.

"That still does not explain, why you did not tell them what you_ did_?", he repeated his question from before, now using my words. The question seemed odd to me. I had shown him. He knew and chose not to tell his family anyway. Why was he all of a sudden so interested in the motivation behind keeping my past a secret? "You didn't either. Why not?", I asked in return and crossed my arms, when it occurred to me. Carlisle. I clearly remembered the way he felt, when I left his office. He had silently communicated with Edward in the living room, I had felt the tension. But they had quickly stopped when I entered. "It's him, isn't it. He asked you to find out if I'm a threat to your family."

His silence was answer enough for me. _And, what have you concluded? Are you going to send Alice and me away?_, I thought, not letting Edward out of my sight. Anger and disappointment grew inside me. I feared that I had managed to do exactly what I was trying to avoid – I had destroyed Alice's future. "That is not my decision to make. I see that you regret what happened and I don't think you would choose the same way now as you did back then. If not for your sake, then for Alice's. I noticed how much you care for her. Your thoughts revolve around her all the time", he replied and I clenched my jaw when he mentioned my mate. Our relationship was not his concern. And stupid me had given away my biggest weakness. What a rookie mistake. "Don't worry, none of us is going to harm her. They all love her, Esme and Emmett especially. Esme already considers her family", he assured and I could feel the my anger subside. He was right, I did not get any malicious intent from any of them. Alice was safe.

"However, I still feel like you owe them the truth. And I will tell the others before we make the final decision about you staying, if you don't do it", he added, making me tense up all over again. "But I think it should be you", his voice was now softer, less confrontational as it had been before. I could feel his hand, which he briefly rested on my shoulder, before turning and running back towards the house. I knew he was right. But I was unsure if I was ready to be responsible for the future Alice had dreamed of her entire life.

On my way back, I decided to tell them and then discarded my plan over and over again. I was such a coward. When I finally made it to the mansion, Edward was nowhere to be seen. Instead Alice was waiting for me on the porch. She had changed into her new blouse and a dark-blue skirt. I approached her in human speed and from the look on her face and what she was feeling, I immediately understood, that she had seen what was going to happen. "I am so proud of you", she smiled, wrapping her skinny arms around my waist. Apparently, I would tell them after all. I reciprocated her embrace, gently putting my arms around her narrow shoulders and closing my eyes to enjoy the soothing peace I was feeling whenever I was near her. "How are they going to react?", I asked her after a sweet moment, gently loosening my arms around her and finally letting go completely. "It will be fine", she answered and seemed pretty confident in what she had said. It calmed me.

"I'll need to change first", I remarked, after noticing the awful scent of dried animal blood and dirt on myself. "Yes, do that. You stink", she replied and rose onto her tiptoes. Since she was nearly one and a half feet smaller than me, this was her only way to show me that she wanted to kiss me, without explicitly saying so. I gladly lowered my head to receive a quick peck from her. "I'll see you inside", she whispered before turning and going back into the house. I took another deep breath before following her.

Instead of resuming my place in the living room – like Alice did – I crossed the room and went up into the guest room. With the door closed beside me, I swiftly changed out of my dirty clothes, putting on a fresh pair of trousers and a grey button-down shirt. While closing the buttons I got a quick look of myself in the mirror and clenched my jaw. I could not understand how Alice - beautiful, delicate, little Alice - could look at me fully naked, baring all the scars war had left on me, and still love what she saw. But she did. I had to know - I felt it every time she looked at me. A small smile crossed my lips, thinking of her as I closed the last button and pulled the shirt in place. This was as good a time as it ever would be. They needed to hear from me. I did not want Edward sharing this.

Slower than even a normal human would have walked, I descended the stairs, collecting my thoughts and thinking about what I wanted to tell them. I was surprised to find everyone already in the living room. Esme, Alice and Carlisle were still sitting in the same spots they had before, each reading in either a magazine or book. Edward had taken a seat in one of the armchairs, the newspaper on his lap, and Rosalie and Emmett sat opposite each other on the floor next to the coffee table, playing chess. Esme was the first to notice my entry and looked up from her magazine. I could feel a slight distortion in her emotions as she saw my bare neck, but she regained her composure quickly and continued to smile. "How was your hunt with Edward?", she asked and the warmth her emotions projected, helped me relax a bit.

"It was fine, I guess... But there's something I need to tell you. All of you", I responded, looking at Alice who seemed completely calm. _If there was something to worry about, she would have seen it, _I reminded myself while I placed myself in the armchair, next to Edward, who folded his newspaper and gave me an encouraging smile. Carlisle closed his book and Emmett snatched Rosalie's queen from the chess board, as soon as she turned her attention towards me. "I was not completely transparent about my past before, and I am very sorry about that. It was not fair to all of you and if I were in your shoes I would have wanted to know. Edward helped me realize that", I began and looked around in the room. Now, I had everyone's attention. Even Emmett had stopped picking off Rosalie's players from the board. No one was saying anything. Yet.


	4. Chapter 4: Jasper's Story

**Author's Note:** If this chapter looks familiar for you, it's because it is. I had previously uploaded Chapter 3 and 4 as one Chapter (the then-Chapter 3) but decided that it was a little too long and it would be more convenient to read divided in too. Sorry that this doesn't mean an update but there will be a new Chapter up within the next days, promise!

* * *

Every one was looking at me, waiting to hear what I had kept from them before. It was too late to turn back. So I cleared my throat and started telling my story - again:

"Like I said, I was turned during the civil war. I served as a Major in the Texas cavalry at that time and was riding back from Houston to Galveston one night, when I came across three extraordinary beautiful women. My horse could feel that something was off, its flight instincts were going wild but I was raised to never turn down a woman need. Especially not during wartime." Emmett laughed when I mentioned my upbringing and earned an angry look from Rosalie for that. "The name of the woman who turned me was Maria. She had lost her mate in a battle with a neighbouring Arizonan coven and was driven from her home town of Monterrey up to Texas, looking for revenge", I continued when Edward stopped me, nodding into Emmett and Rosalie's direction: "They don't know what you are talking about."

Of course, I should have thought about that. Only because Carlisle had heard of the wars in the South, didn't mean that the others, especially the younger ones, would understand. "I'm sorry, I am getting ahead of myself", I apologized, now looking more directly at Emmett and Rosalie. "To understand this, you would have to know that during that time, there were wars going on in the South. Not only between the Confederates and the Union, but between vampires. Wars for feeding territory. They call them the Southern vampire wars. As far as I know, these wars started many centuries ago and go on until today. With their ups and downs of course, but never without a truce. At the beginning of the eighteen-hundreds, however, there was a change in … strategy, you could say."

"A young vampire named Benito had thought about a new approach to these territorial fights that changed everything. He had created an army of newborn vampires. You all know how we are in our first year in this life: volatile, wild, and extremely strong. It took him less than a week to secure the whole corridor down from Dallas to Monterray. Traditional covens were powerless against his army of newborns, so they did the only thing they could think of, to protect themselves: They created armies of their own", I explained the situation, from time to time looking at Edward to see, if they were still following. He nodded every time. "It is hard to keep an army of newborns hidden from the human world, especially one of the size that the armies were back then, and it didn't take to long for the first rumours to spread. Our kind had never been more threatened of exposure than throughout these bloody years."

"It wasn't long before the Volturi intervened. The whole guard came and wiped out most of the vampire population in between Mexico City and Albuquerque in a one year long that no one in the South will probably ever forget. However, after the Volturi left, the remaining vampires were quick to reclaim the now unprotected territories and it wasn't too long before fighting started again. However, on a much smaller scale. Nobody wanted them to come back", I paused for a second to let what I just said sink in. Emmett seemed to enjoy the war stories, smiling and joking at Carlisle: "It's nice to get the history lessen from someone else than you once in a while, old man."

Esme on the other hand, was a bit more sensitive about the topic. "Why are you telling us all of this Jasper?", she asked softly, looking at me. Slowly, I started to roll up my left sleeve while I continued my story: "Like I said, Maria had lost her mate and her territory in Mexico and was fleeing north. When she found me, she was building an army of her own to take revenge on the coven that had taken her home and love. That was the reason why she turned me." I had finished rolling up my left sleeve just over my elbow and started to do the same thing on the right. Esme gasped, as she got a look on the dozens of scars marking my arms, creating an ugly pattern all over the marble skin.

"Maria was a smart woman. She didn't just turn anyone, was very picky with who she saw fit to join her army. She trained her soldiers better than was usual and knew how to discipline them. Plus, she never let anyone outlive their first year… There were six of us, when I was turned, and she quickly added to our numbers. However, she was careful to not overdo it, because – like I said – the Volturi were not forgotten. We were never more than 10 or 11 newborns at that time and I fought my first battles against my brothers in arms. I won them all."

"I was faster than the others, better in battle. And after a few weeks my talent started to manifest, which gave me other possibilities. Maria quickly grew fond of me and started to depend on me, even though she was annoyed by the number of soldiers she had to replace because of me. I was gaining in strength and soon enough found myself in charge of the newborns. Using my gift to control their tempers, I was able to gather a group of 23 newborns, myself included, all strong and well trained within a few months. An army of that size was uncommon at that time, and we were better trained and behaved than all the others. We took Monterrey without too much trouble, killing the vampire who had robbed our leader of her mate in the process. And we did all of that, without a single human noticing. Maria was pleased with how easy that was. Too easy… She grew greedy."

"In my first year we expanded our territory throughout most of Texas and Northern Mexico and were able to keep it, something that had hardly been done for such a long time before. I had just passed my first year when the first Mexican covens aligned to take back their territory. The fighting got intense, many feared the Volturi would return. Out of our original group I was the only one to survive the first 18 months."

"Despite all odds, we were able to hold Monterrey but from that point on, it was more or less a stalemate. Some battles we won, others we lost. Maria and I always kept around a dozen newborns at hand but didn't really care for them, they were just puppets for us. It took me a long time to realize, that I was just one of her puppets as well", I recounted, absently following the outlines of the bitemarks on my left arm.

"Decades later I grew fond of one of our newborns, Peter. He wasn't made for this life, didn't like to fight. And still he was a better fighter than most of the recruits I had seen over the decades. He survived his first three years and I made him responsible for babysitting the soldiers, while I trained them, and Maria still forged her grand plans of revenge... I don't remember exactly when it was - dates or seasons did not have any meaning for me back then - but I recall that it wasn't too long after the end of the first world war, when the time had come to once dispose of our soldiers and replace them once again. They had lost their strength and were useless to us."

"Peter was supposed to help me. We did it as we always did: taking them aside one by one, beheading and dismembering them, burning the parts. But when we were about halfway through and I called up a young woman - Charlotte - who had just past her year-mark, Peter suddenly grew furious and yelled at her to run. I could have easily caught and killed them, but I didn't want to. I couldn't punish him for finding some happiness and love in the godforsaken world we were in. So, I let them go", I told and winced, as someone suddenly touched my arm.

I hadn't realised that Esme had come closer, looking down at my bare skin. Carlisle was standing next to her and listened to the story attentively, even though he had heard the short version of all of this before. His hand rested gently on her shoulder while his gaze was fixated on my scarred underarms as well. I could feel great sorrow and regret in both of them. They pitied me. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you", Esme excused herself and backed a way a bit. "Don't, that's not it. I was just a bit too lost in the story", I replied and indicated that it was all right for her to come closer. She did and gently touched the scarred skin of my arm, examining it with curiosity and sadness in her expression, as I continued.

"Five years later Peter came back for me. It was good timing: Maria was alienated by my deteriorating state of mind. All the decades of fighting took their toll on me eventually… And I had noticed the changes in her emotions, suspected she was plotting to get rid of me. I was actually preparing to kill my only ally, when Peter arrived and told me of his travels with Charlotte. I could hardly believe what he was telling me. After over sixty years of thinking that the only way for our kind to live was constantly battling over feeding-territories, he told me that there were others, who lived in peace, travelling the world and living – compared to what I had been doing – civilized lives. It didn't take much to convince me and I left with him without looking back. I spent most of the following decade with him and Charlotte, getting to know this new, peaceful world", I looked up and into Emmett and Rosalie's eyes. I could not see repulsion in any of them, the overall mood in the room leaned more towards regret and pity – with the exception of Emmett. His emotions were mixed with excitement, which I couldn't really fathom at the moment.

"The rest you more or less know. My depression did not fade because I was still killing to satisfy my thirst and eventually, I left Peter and Charlotte, knowing that I pulled them right down with me. I travelled alone for a few years, before I found Alice in Philadelphia. And she had seen me coming, of course", I added, turning my sight towards Alice. She had been sitting still on the couch with her eyes closed during my tale, listening to everything I said. Most of it she had heard or seen before but never told by myself like that. Her eyes opened, as if she had felt my gaze on her, and a loving smile appeared on her lips.

"I told him, that I had been waiting and he went all Southern gentleman and excused himself", she remembered and looked at me, laughing softly at the memory. I could feel her love spill over on me and took it all in. For a brief moment, I nearly forgot that we were not alone in the room. Her positive emotions were the complete opposite to the sadness Esme was exuding. I held on to Alice's emotions for another second, then let go and cleared my throat. "I am truly sorry I did not tell you all of this yesterday. I am used to people backing away from me, just because of my appearance. I didn't want to risk Alice's lifelong dream", I explained my decision and looked at Carlisle while uttering the words. He was the leader of this coven and I owed him an apology first and foremost. Of course, I had already told him most of this yesterday, but only after they had asked us to stay.


	5. Chapter 5: Philadelphia, 1948

"I can understand why you chose not to tell us yesterday Jasper, however it is important that you understand one thing. We are a family here and the most important part of being a family is to trust each other", Carlisle finally said and I could already hear where this was going in my head. _I am sorry, but you have betrayed our trust and we cannot accept this. You are welcome to stay until tomorrow but then I would like you to leave, _I heard Carlisle's voice in my head.

However, real-life Carlisle said something completely different and unexpected: "It brings me great joy that you have found it in you to trust us with your story, especially considering the violent upbringing you've had. It doesn't matter if it took you a few hours to get here. It would have been alright if you needed a few days. What's important is, that you have eventually decided to trust us."

I looked at him, shocked by the response. I had only lived under one coven leader before and I had no doubt that she would have punished me harshly for keeping vital information like this for myself. "Jasper, stop it", I suddenly heard Edwards voice and realised, that I pictured the horrible things Maria used to do in my head. _So sorry_, I thought, quickly distracting myself by rolling down my sleeves again. Meanwhile, I looked at Esme, Emmett and Rosalie. "Are none of you mad at all?", I asked and could hear the disbelief in my own voice.

"Of course not! We understand", Esme said and smiled, gently patting my hand. She and Carlisle still stood next to me. I wasn't sure about Rosalie, though. She had been very quiet and I was positive that I had felt some anger flaring up inside of her, when I admitted that I had not been completely honest in the first place. However right now, I could not feel anything of the sorts from her. The blonde realised that my eyes were lingering on her and she shrugged her shoulders. "None of us go around, throwing their history in everyone's face – with the exception of Emmett maybe", she finally answered and grinned at her mate. "Why shouldn't I? Battling a bear, being saved by a beautiful woman and turned into this gorgeousness is a story worth telling", he replied flexing his muscles. The comment made all of us laugh.

"I am willing to forgive you Jasper, under one condition", he added and from his feelings I could tell, that he wasn't taking this too seriously. Still I was a bit wary about what was to come. "What do you want?", I asked, eyeing Alice who had suddenly started laughing. "He wants you to fight him", she explained and I could tell that Emmett was sulking. "What's so funny about that?", he asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Oh, you'll see", was everything Alice had to say about her vision right now and I shrugged my shoulders. "If you insist, sure", I accepted his condition, "Right now?" - "Why not? I would love to see how I could fare against Alice myself", Edward joined the conversation and I immediately growled at him, getting to my feet as he mentioned fighting Alice. My mate was at my side at once, gently lowering the arm I had stretched out protectively. "It's fine Jazz, I want to", she said, taking my hand inside hers.

"Not in here!", Esme exclaimed and I could feel how worried she was. She probably feared that we would destroy her whole living room in the process. I could understand her. Emmett was the first to slip out the door into the backyard, and Alice, Rosalie, the others and I followed him. "Who first?", Alice asked when we were all assembled but somehow I suspected that she already knew. "You go first. Keeping the best for last", Emmett decided with a big grin on his face and neither Alice nor Edward had to be told twice. They immediately descended the porch and Rosalie started: "So, the rules are…", but Edward stopped her. "She knows", he reassured, pointing towards Alice and taking a few steps back from her.

Watching Alice and Edward fight was indeed very interesting. At first, both of them hardly moved at all. It was, as if the fight was only going on in their head. I imagined what must be going on between them: Edward decided on an attack, Alice saw his decision and started thinking of her best defence, which Edward, in turn, heard of course.

However, after a few minutes, the action started to heat up. They went back and forth multiple time, each time one of them attacked and the other of course knew what was coming and eluded the attack. I was proud, seeing that Alice used some of the moves I had taught her. I had struggled with the idea of teaching her to fight for the first few months of our travels. But after nearly going crazy with worry one afternoon, when she went into the city to run some errands and I couldn't accompany her because of my thirst, I decided that I had to make sure that she could defend herself – at least to the point where she could escape and run back to me.

They had been going on back and forth for about ten minutes, when Emmett had enough and growled. "We get it, you two are evenly matched. Can we now please move on now?", he demanded impatiently. Rosalie called the match a tie and Emmett immediately took his place on the field. "Let's see what you've got in you", he said, circling his arms as if he was warming up. "The rules are easy", Rosalie explained and this time, no one interrupted her, "No biting, no dismemberment and the first one who has his teeth to the other one's throat, wins." While the first two rules made sense in a friendly struggle, the last one was not logical for me. Why go for the old "teeth at the neck" move, when it was so much easier to behead opponents with your arms, hands or even legs? Nonetheless, I nodded, taking position. I shifted my weight forward, acquiring a better stance to defend myself, since I did not plan to attack first. I wanted to see how Emmett fought, before deciding on a strategy. And I was positive, I could take a few blows. So, I let him come at me. And boy did he.

With enormous force he dashed forward and threw me back against the nearest tree. The wood ached and creaked under the force of the thrust, and for a minute I feared it would break but eventually the tree held up. I fell to the ground, landing on my feet and was immediately confronted with the next attack. I tried to resist his force this time, putting all my strength up against his but I was without a chance: the earth beneath me did not hold and he pushed me back until I lost my footing and tumbled to the ground. This time I came up with my back, rolled over and right back onto my feet.

I had seen enough and was pleased with what I observed. Emmett's fighting style resembled newborns in many ways. He used his enormous force well, but that was about as much of a strategy as he had. It would be easy for me to outdo him. The next time he came at me, I ducked away under his punch and then used his own momentum to throw him to the ground. The sound of his massive body hitting the damp earth resembled thunder, but I did not let that distract me. Before he even got back on his legs, I got a grip on his arm and threw him halfway through the backyard. Emmett only missed a massive tree by a few feet and did not hesitate to attack again, immediately after landing on his feet. The fact that I eluded his punches and he wasn't getting a grip on me again, made him angry and I used my talent to elevate the emotion even more. Time and time again, he came at me with the same boring, straight forward approach and most of the times, I managed to use his attack to my advantage. The more often his attack met nothing but air, the angrier he got and the more amused I was. I had forgotten how good it felt to fight – and to win.

I did not know how long we had been at it, but at some point I could sense that Rosalie was getting bored. So, I decided to end it. With the next attack, I evaded Emmett's punch again, kicked his legs out from beneath him and had my teeth against his neck before he even hit the ground. "That's it, Jasper wins!", Alice exclaimed and I could hear the pride in her voice. I released Emmett, holding out my hand to help him get up. "That was fun", he said, obviously not too bummed about the fact that he lost. "Your fight style is… interesting", I replied, as we walked back towards the porch. "What do you mean by _interesting_?", Emmett echoed but I was too focused on my angel - who approached me with a big smile on her face and held out her hand - to bother elaborating my remark. "Hey, Jasper! What's wrong with my fight style?!", Emmett repeated, but I ignored him, amused by the emotions my silence spurred in him.

"Patience, Emmett", Esme scolded, "I am sure Jasper will tell you. _Later_." Emmett growled but was rapidly distracted by something Rosalie was whispering into his ear. I could immediately feel the passion growing in both of them, clenching my jaw. _Not again_. "Will you tell us the rest of your story? I would love to hear how you met", Esme now asked, capturing my attention. She and Carlisle had come closer, holding hands and sporting genuine smiles. Alice, of course, was very excited to tell our shared history and I let her. To my own relief, Emmett and Rosalie interrupted whatever they were talking about, to listen to her tale as well.

"Like I said, the first vision I ever had was of Jasper. I saw him, standing in front of a shack and staring into a bonfire and I immediately felt drawn to him. However, at first, I did not know what all this meant and why I was seeing things that weren't there. It was very scary. I was in a cave, all by myself, feeling this immense pain in my throat and having no idea who I was and what had happened to me", she explained and I couldn't bare the fear and sadness that were taking a hold of my beautiful, cheery angel, so I took them away and instead enhanced all the love there was inside of her. She looked at me, her eyes telling that I didn't have to do that. "I wanted to", I reassured her and gently squeezed her hand.

"I only understood what these visions were, when I saw myself killing two hikers and then – two minutes later – heard them passing my hideout… With the worst of my thirst gone, I was able to focus and visions started to pour in, one after the other without any chronological order. It made my head hurt. One minute I saw Carlisle and Edward hunting deer, then suddenly you were in a living room, Edward playing the piano and you playing chess with Esme, while Emmett and Rosalie were laying on the couch. Flashes of Jasper were mixed in as well and it all was very blurry and unclear until everything focused on a family portrait."

"We were all standing next to each other in a living room, Jasper by my side, staring back at the camera from our golden eyes. And that's when I realized that you were my future. All of you", she continued and now love was just flowing out of her small body in an endless stream. "Still, I did not know when and where we were supposed to meet, so I kept an eye on Jasper's and all of your futures while I was travelling, adjusting to my new life and the vegetarian diet. But it wasn't until 1948, when I suddenly had a clear vision of us meeting in a small diner in Philadelphia."

"1948! You've been on your own for so long? That must have been so awful", Esme said and gently touched Alice's shoulder. I could tell, that she thought of her as her daughter already. "It was, but I wasn't alone. I had my visions keeping me company. I was living all of your lives with you, just watching from afar", she explained and dwelled in her memories for a minute, before she continued.

"So, 1948. I was in Maine when I learnt that I was finally going to meet Jasper. It was so exciting! Naturally, I rushed down to Philadelphia within the day. However, there was no way of knowing exactly when the meeting would take place. I only knew that it would be soon and it would have to be a rainy day. So, I rented an apartment in the outskirts of the city and kept an eye on the weather, waiting in the diner every rainy day until he finally came", she recounted, turning her head and looking at me with a big smile on her face.

"I was travelling alone at that point. The weather had been bad for a few days and my hunger drove me into the city. However, I quickly realized my error when people started to notice me - the strange man, standing outside in the thunderstorm. That's why I finally decided to enter the diner", I explained my side of the story, looking into golden Alice's eyes, "I was shocked to meet another immortal and tried to determine whether she was going to attack. But she simply smiled and came directly towards me, saying that I had made her wait for a long time."

"I could tell from the look on his face that he thought I was crazy, when I addressed him with his name. However, being the gentleman he is, he didn't say anything the like of it but rather ducked his head and uttered: 'My apologies ma'am'", Alice repeated my words. They were all looking at us, captivated by the story. "I held out my hand and he took it without hesitation. I was very pleased but also surprised, since I did not expect it to be this easy", Alice continued and now all eyes were on me, waiting for an explanation.

"I'm not one-hundred percent sure, why I didn't second guess it… But I think it was because after being alone and depressed for such a long time, the emotions she exuded were nothing like I ever felt before. It was the first time in almost a century that I felt… hope", I told them, smiling at the memory of how taking her hand had felt like. Direct contact heightened the power of my gift and back then, her emotions had washed over me without resistance. It was invigorating.

"We spent a few hours in the diner and I was telling Jasper about myself and the future I saw for us, while we waited for the storm to pass. It was tricky, he was thirsty and although the diner was nearly empty, the staff was around. When the rain finally stopped, we quickly slipped out and I took him back to the apartment, where I quickly packed my bags. I didn't want to stay in the city for any longer than we needed to", she explained, leaving out how I had attacked a beggar on our way back to the apartment and how I nearly dragged her down that road as well.

"At first, we were headed northeast, towards Maine and New Brunswick, but the area was still too populated. We stayed in the forests for most of the time, but the occasional run ins with humans did not help Jasper adjust, so we finally decided to head farther north – first to Greenland and finally to the Yukon area. We spent most of our first year there, then travelled back south, closer to the populated areas. I rented a cabin near Saguenay, so Jasper could slowly get used to being around humans again. We stayed there for nearly half a year, before we went back to America and spent a few months near Portland."

"We were still in that area two weeks ago, when we were out hunting one day and Jasper came across the scent of immortals, which he recognized. We followed them north, back into Canada and up the Hudson Bay, when we finally reached Peter and Charlotte near Fort Mackenzie. I had been having regular visions of you settling here during the last months and knew that it wouldn't be too long before we would meet. So, when we left Jasper's friends, we immediately headed to the West Coast to find you", Alice recounted our travels over the last year, casually mentioning my struggles with vegetarianism, while she was at it. I wouldn't have minded if she kept these details for herself. But it was her right to tell – it was the truth after all.

"This is a beautiful story", Esme said, smiling as she gave Carlisle a loving look. I could feel the purity of her emotions toward him and averted my gaze, noticing Edward who stood a few feet apart from us by himself. I felt sorry for him. It must have been hard for him, being around all of us without having found his own mate yet. _You'll meet your mate as well. It took me almost a hundred years as well, you'll find her eventually_, I thought, taking away some of his melancholy and lightening his mood.

Suddenly, Alice's hand went limp in mine and her expression blank. Another vison but only a short one. "We should get inside, it'll start raining in", she paused and I already felt the first drop of rain, "now!" Everyone laughed, getting back into the living room and Emmett was about to retake his seat by the coffee table when Esme stopped him: "Oh no, you and Jasper will clean up before sitting in my living room. You are absolutely filthy!"


	6. Chapter 6: Shopping Trip

Over the course of the next days, Alice and I started to settle in with the Cullens. She threw herself head first into a number of projects, including learning how to sew from Esme, planning to redecorate our guest room with Rosalie, and trying to figure out some of her past with the aid of Carlisle. She even pushed Edward to teach her how to play the piano. It was, as if she had only really started to live now, that we were with the family she had always known as her own.

I had confronted her with my suspicion the previous evening, when we were alone for the first time since meeting the Cullen's. We had run up into Jasper National Forest – whose name she found hilarious and just perfect – for a hunt and used the opportunity afterwards to spend some time together without the other's overhearing every word we spoke or move we made.

* * *

"There is something I wanted to ask you", I said, looking down at my angel who had cuddled herself up next to me. I was laying on the forest earth, my arms around her, and looking up into the stars of the night sky. Every once in a while, when we were completely alone and safe, I used my gift to let Alice feel what I felt - completely without filter. Today was one of those days.

No words in this world could do the experience justice. It was, as if we were no longer separate but rather one_, _our emotions flowing freely from one body to the other. It was _intoxicating_. "What is it?", Alice replied, rolling on to her stomach so that she could look me in the eyes. With the connection of our bodies broken, the feeling quickly subsided and I let it go, stopping the flow of my emotions to her, before explaining my observation: "Have you been holding yourself back, before we met them? In terms of learning stuff and following your interests? From everything you've told me and what I have seen since we met, it feels like you have restricted yourself to waiting for the last 30 years. It's as if you only really started to live now."

"Sometimes I am still impressed by how well you get me", Alice responded, stretching out one of her fingers to trace a scar on my arm. I turned my head to look at her and could see the pain I felt in her eyes. "It's true. I was very hesitant with my actions over the last 30 years because I feared that my decisions would alter our future. I couldn't bare the thought of suddenly loosing you or this family only because I determined that it would be so much fun to study Italian", she revealed and I used my talent to diminish her pain. I didn't want her to be sad.

"You speak Italian?", I remarked, smiling and picking a leave out of her hair. "No, I don't. That was just …", she replied, suddenly understanding that I was joking and hitting my chest with her tiny fist. "You! I was being serious!", she exclaimed, sitting up and crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I know and I am sorry. But I cannot bare to see you sad", I defended myself, sitting up as well and pulling her face closer, so that I could kiss her. Alice leaned into the kiss, running her hands through my hair and before she even knew it, she was again laying in the grass, my body nailing her to the ground and prohibiting any escape. Not that wanted to flee anyway.

* * *

I dispelled the thoughts of what happened afterwards since I knew Edward was around here somewhere. My eyes returned to the book in my hand and I finished reading down the last page, before closing it and getting onto my feet. I had spent the last few days exploring the contents of Carlisle's library. First, the history of the area had sparked my interest but I quickly turned my back on it when I found a collection of books about world history, sorted by years and ranging from 1800 to 1940, with one book covering 10 years each.

After being turned, I hardly noticed anything outside of the bloody reality I was living in. Sure, at some point I heard about the end of the civil war, the invention of the electrical light or world war one but I didn't really care about them. But now, returning to a more or less civilized life, I felt the need to catch up. The book I just finished covered 1900 to 1909 and I was eager to get on to the 1910 to 1919s, leaving the guest room and heading towards Carlisle's study, when I passed Esme's sewing and crafting room and she called me.

"Finished another book?", she asked and I stopped in my path, turning towards her. Alice and Esme were sitting on the floor, pinning patterns to a dark blue fabric. "Yes I am. How is your dress coming along?", I returned, looking at the piles of fabric that they had already cut. "Splendid, Alice is a fast learner", Esme remarked and Alice's face immediately lit up. "We were just talking about the shopping trip tomorrow, are you going to come with us?", the caramel-haired vampire added and I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea…", I replied looking at Alice. We had not discussed this yet but she seemed to have already made up her mind. "Of course you are coming, this is your last clean shirt. You need some new clothing", she commented, gesturing in my direction with the scissors she held in her hand. The fact that clothes could be washed and reused was still something I tried to teach her - without luck so far.

I wasn't as sure as she was. Cramming myself into a store with a group of shopping-hungry humans was risk. An unnecessary one, considering that Alice picked out what I was allowed to buy anyway and never had trouble finding the right size in the past. I looked at her for a moment, unconsciously rubbing my throat with my hand. "It'll be fine, Jazz. We can go there early in the morning, just when the stores open. And we could bring the Jaguar, so you can leave after we get you some nice new things", she tried to convince me and how could I ever reject her? Thus, I finally agreed and left the girls to their work, getting myself the next book and resuming my spot on the guest bed.

Alice held her word. She, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie and I left in the early morning, aiming to be in the city by 9 am, when the shops would open. Like she had predicted, the streets of downtown Calgary were more or less empty, with only a few early morning shoppers fleeing into the stores and cafés to escape the heavy rain. We were following the Cullens to the first store, Alice clinging to my left arm, and me holding up the umbrella that kept us from being soaked. "Will you get me the Wall Street Journal please?", she asked, pointing at a newspaper stand further down on the other side of the street. I nodded, adjusting my path just as Esme announced, that we had reached our destination.

Alice was really excited, looking at the clothing store while I didn't care about it too much. These stores all looked the same to me – with the exception that this one seemed a lot more expensive than any store I would have picked out for myself. "Why don't you get me the journal while I start picking out some nice things for you?", she proposed and immediately followed Esme and Rosalie into the store, leaving me and the umbrella out in the rain. I shrugged my shoulders, turned and walked towards the newspaper stand, when Emmett caught up to me.

"Shouldn't you be in there?", I asked, nodding into the direction of the store. "Not if I can help it. So what are we doing?", he replied and I could feel his relief. "I am getting Alice her newspaper and then I am going to go back into that store to get this over with. I want to be out of here before the masses turn up", I mumbled as we crossed the road. "You really need to loosen up man", Emmett sighed as we reached the stand and I asked for the Wall Street Journal, handing the vendor 20 cents.

I avoided looking at the man, since his heartbeat tested my restraint enough already – I didn't need to see his exposed neck and rosy cheeks. Suddenly, I was glad to have Emmett next to me, he would definitively be strong enough to hold me back if I lost it. I would have avoided this interaction, if it was possible, but Alice couldn't get the journal herself – a young woman of her age interested in the stock market would seem suspicions. Me, on the other hand, the salesman didn't even take a second look at.

I received my copy, turned and before I could put it away, Emmett had already snatched it from my hands. He was still following me like an annoying puppy. "Alice really reads that?", he questioned, looking at the most recent stock market prices that were printed on the front page. "She had a vision of herself making lots of money on the stock market using her gift. For your family as well, not that you seem to need it", I explained, taking the newspaper back and storing it inside my coat to prevent the paper from getting wet.

"Yeah, we are living quite well off Carlisle's salary and the sales from his massive art collection. And Esme is remarkable with antiquities", Emmett told me while we walked back to the store, "I had wondered where you got the money for the Jaguar from." – "That one she won playing cards. Alice hasn't started meddling with stocks yet", I corrected and closed the umbrella before pushing open the entry door to the store. "Why not?", he asked, placing his umbrella next to mine. "Apparently she needs me to help her deal with the broker and I am not yet … ready for that", I explained, spotting the others in the men's section.

"This is hard for you, isn't it? I noticed you're not breathing", Emmett said just loud enough for me to hear it but without risking our conversation being overheard by a human, as we walked towards the girls. I immediately stopped right where I stood, turning around to him after hearing his comment. Why did he think that this was his business? I looked at him in silence for a moment, before remarking "You seem to do fine". Turning back to my path, I hoped he understood that this conversation was over for me. But Emmett didn't get the hint. He was surprised by what I had just said, still following me and asking: "Yeah, but I've been doing this for the last 15 years. You surely can't expect to compare with us after only two years, can you?"

Maybe he was right, but it didn't change the fact that I was a liability. Me being here right now, was a liability. And I hated feeling this weak, being the one that everybody had to look out for. We reached the girls and I turned to Alice, without replying to what Emmett's comment. He finally got the note, that I didn't want to talk about this and instead approached his mate, pulling her into his arms and kissing her as if they hadn't seen each other for weeks.

I pushed the thoughts about my thirst away as far as possible and concentrated myself on Alice's joy before accepting the pile of clothes she was handing me. "What was that about?", she asked, having overheard Emmett's last comment. "Nothing I wish to discuss right now", I replied, curiously eyeing the clothes she had picked out. "Fine. Why don't you go ahead to the changing rooms? I just want to look for two or three more pieces and will be with you in a minute", she suggested and I nodded, doing what she asked of me.

I was relieved to find the men's changing rooms completely empty and chose the cubicle closest to the entrance, so that it would be easy for me to slip out and flee the story, if it was necessary. Putting the pile of clothes down on the stool, I noticed a blue denim fabric sticking out of he bottom. Curious about what Alice had found, I separated the item from the rest and felt a strange sensation going through me, when my hands touched the robust, familiar material.

Suddenly, a memory flashed through my head. I instinctively knew that I was on my father's ranch, saddling my horse to go check on the cattle we had out grassing down by the river. "Jasper!", I heard my name called and turned around to see a young girl in a light blue dress and long blonde braids running towards me. "Can I come with you, please", she pleaded and somehow I unexpectedly recalled her name: Mary. She was my little sister.

_I had a sister_. The realisation of this fact hit me like a fist in the face and I gasped, letting the fabric slide out of my hands. When becoming a vampire, the details of our human lives quickly faded away, with only the most crucial and defining moments remaining. But for me, it was even more extreme. Having lived in nothing but blood rage for the first 20 years of my new life, I never felt the need to recall what I had been before. As a result, I forgot more of it than most of the other's I knew did. Some memories had come back while reading up on Carlisle's books from the period but they were minor compared to this. How could I have forgotten about my own sister? I truly was a monster.

Thinking about her, her name and the face I had just recalled, more information resurfaced. I remembered teaching her how to ride and read, dancing with her at the rodeo. And I remembered how she cried the night when I left to join the army. I could hear her, begging me not to leave them, the sound of her shaking voice resonating in my ears. "Jasper?", a more familiar sound pulled me back into reality and as my eyes focused I saw Alice standing in front of me, clearly worried and confused about what was going on. I hadn't even realised that she entered the cubicle.

"Are you alright?", she asked, gently taking my hand as I cleared my throat and tried to regain my voice. "I just remembered something… From my human life", I whispered in case someone was listening in. "That is wonderful, are you going to tell me about it?", her face lit up immediately and she put the clothes in her arms down to hug me. I welcomed the embrace, pulling her closer as I told my angel about what just happened. "I cannot believe I forgot about her", I finished, looking down at Alice who was overjoyed to hear the news. Because she had lost all memories from her human life, she always enjoyed listening to other people's stories and I was positive, that she had used the last few days to fill in the blanks in her knowledge of each of our hosts pasts.

"You shouldn't be to hard on yourself. With your violent start into this life it is only natural that you lost more than others did. But this is a good sign! It means your memories are coming back", she finally replied, letting go of the embrace and gesturing towards the huge pile of clothes that had amassed on the stool: "I would love to talk about this some more later, but right now we need to get you into the things I picked out." I smiled, placing a swift kiss on her lips before gently directing her out of the cubicle so that I could get changed. She really knew how to get myself out of my head when necessary. "Please try the jeans for the checked shirt and cream sweater, the brown trousers with the white shirt and grey vest, the black trousers for the blue shirt and cream vest, the …", she gave me instructions on how I was supposed to combine the pieces she had picked out but stopped immediately, after I exited the cubicle in the demanded jeans and red checked shirt.

"Now you look just like I always pictured Jasper Whitlock to look", she said, obviously pleased with her picks. I turned around and looked into the mirror. I had to admit, that she was close. The ensemble resembled what I had been wearing in my most recent memory, however the shirt had been plain back then. Wearing jeans felt extremely familiar even though I hadn't seen the material in a very long time. It reminded me of how much my human self adored riding. The feeling of freedom I had felt back then, whenever I mounted a horse, was something that I had never forgotten and was one of the only things I dearly missed. But since all animals shied away from us, recognizing the superior predator, I had to accept that I would never be able to do ride again.

"Do you like it?", Alice asked me and I turned back to her. "I like it. But it's not who I am anymore", I dismissed the ensemble and got back into the cubicle, changing into a pair of black pants and the cream sweater. Over the course of the next minutes, I tried on about twelve different outfits and presented them to Alice who either approved or dismissed. As expected, everything fit perfectly and trying everything on was pointless, but I still put up with it because I knew how happy it made her.

In the end, Alice decided to get four pairs of trousers, three sweaters, seven different button downs and four vests that she could layer with the shirts. She hadn't brought up the jeans and checked shirt again, understanding that I didn't want to talk about it. "The stores will fill up in about half an hour…", she warned me as we waited to pay for my new clothes. "Are you going to be fine without me?", I asked, tossing Rosalie, Emmett and Esme a look. They had progressed to the women's section and Emmett was dutifully carrying a pile of clothing to which his mate frequently added. "Of course I am, and I look forward to present my acquisitions to you once I get home", she replied, handing me the bags and gesturing towards the door, "Go."

I was glad to get out of the store and headed towards the Jaguar as fast as I could without attracting attention. Alice was right, the streets quickly filled up and I gave my best to fixate on my destination, not paying attention to the humans I passed. It was hard. Relieved to have reached the car, I quickly stored my bags in the trunk and was just about to close it when a pair of legs entered my vision. I did not have to look up to know that Emmett was standing next to me. "She let you go?", I remarked, surprised at his sudden appearance. "Of course! Someone needs to make sure you do not massacre the peaceful early morning strollers of Calgary", he replied and from the tone in his voice I knew he was making a joke. A bad one.

I closed the trunk with slightly more force that was necessary and snarled at Emmett in response before turning around and getting into the driver's seat. "Too early?", he asked, getting into the passenger's seat and closing the door behind him. "Definitively", I replied but couldn't help but smile at his response, shifting gears and manoeuvring us out of the parking spot. We passed the Chrysler Rosalie, Emmett and Esme had taken to town and I raised an eyebrow, looking at the red car. Compared to the Jaguar, its trunk was huge. But it still wouldn't be enough.

"They won't fit", I commented, turning onto the street and heading out of town. "Who won't fit where?", Emmett asked, clearly confused. "The others and their shopping turnout. They won't fit into the Chrysler", I explained slowly starting to breathe again as we left Calgary behind us. "Into the Chrysler? That trunk is huge! Of course they'll fit", the brown haired vampire disagreed and suddenly turned towards me with a big grin on his face: "Bet?"


	7. Chapter 7: Weekend in Alaska

Emmett and I spent the rest of the morning playing chess in the living room. He and Rosalie had created a set of extra rules, expanding the playing field to two chess boards to keep the game interesting and going longer - even at vampire speed. However, it wasn't long before we added another two boards, a second set of pawns and four new rules to make our matches more interesting. The time flew by and I was about to take his queen when we heard a car coming up the drive way. "I only hear one engine, you loose", Emmett noted and ran to the front door. I followed on his heel, reminding him that we hadn't yet seen the end of the matter: "No premature conclusions, I only believe what I see with my own eyes."

He opened the door just in time for us to see Alice and Rosalie exiting the car, bags in hand. "Ha, one car. Pay up!", Emmett declared his victory and turned towards me in triumph. I took my purse out and tried to fathom how Alice had held herself back so much, when I noticed that Esme was missing. "Wait a minute, where's Esme?", I asked looking at the girls who were just coming up the stairs leading to the houses entrance. "We had too many bags, so she went to see Carlisle. His shift is over in a few minutes anyway and he can take her home", Rosalie explained, surprised that her words made Emmett curse. "Well that is interesting, isn't it Emmett?", I said and couldn't contain a triumphant smile, "It seems like you are the one who'll have to pay up."

"Oh no!", Rosalie groaned as she saw Emmett handing me five dollars, "Please don't tell me you are encouraging his betting obsession?" – "Encouraging and obviously winning", Alice commented as she reached us, several bags in both of her hands. I quickly put the bill away, took the bags from her and carrying them inside. With Emmett's help it didn't take more than a minute to assemble all the shopping in the kitchen and the girls spent most of the following hour cutting tags of the clothes they had bought. Emmett and I preferred to finish our chess match.

"Check and match", I said, finally taking Emmett's king and winning the game. My opponent grumbled and kicked my figures of the board: "Is there anything you are not good at? It's no fun this way." I shrugged my shoulders and picked up the fallen figurines. "I'm far from being good at everything. I only won the bet because I know how Alice shops. And I won this game because you were too occupied staring at Rosalie in between turns", I explained pointing a finger at how Emmett had gazed at his companion's behind whenever she walked by. And it had been frequently since she and Alice were carrying everything upstairs at the moment.

"Pha, you're just jealous Mr. Uptight", Emmett responded, joking around again, "I mean seriously, who sits like that for hours on end!" I looked down at myself and back to the dark-haired vampire: "What's wrong with the way I sit?" – "You look like you have swallowed a stick", Emmett replied and I just shrugged my shoulders again. This was not something I had ever noticed but it didn't surprise me. After all I had been army trained.

Picking up the leftovers of our game and putting everything back where it belonged, Emmett hovered around me before finally asking: "Come on, don't you have something to criticise as well?" I closed the board I had been working on and looked up, not getting what he was hinting at. "You should be a little more specific if you expect an answer from me", I replied and handed him the board. "Are you ever going to tell me what's wrong with my fighting style?", he blurted out, storing the boards into their designated place on the shelf and then turning to face me.

I smiled, remembering our fight from a few days ago. "There is nothing wrong with it, per se and I guess you'd be fine against most vampires. As long as your opponents are weaker than you anyway", I explained my comment from back then. "And yet you had an easy time winning at that as well", he replied and took a seat on the couch. "Oh please, it would have been a major disappointment if it had been otherwise. I have almost a century worth of fighting experience and you, how old are you again? 30 something?", I returned and placed myself in the armchair opposite him.

"I've been a vampire for 32 years, if that's what you are referring to", Emmett replied and I noticed that he was eyeing the exposed scars on my neck. "Did you ever lose a fight?", he asked without holding back and I shook my head: "Wouldn't be sitting here if I did." He nodded thoughtfully and looked at me for another minute before the smile returned to his face: "Well' it's a good thing then, that I do not plan to kill you." – "Nobody is going to kill anyone", Alice remarked, stepping into the living room and taking a seat on the armrest of the chair I was sitting in. "Never again", she added, looking at me with a gentle smile on her face, which I returned.

I started to relax and settle in with the others even more over the course of the next days. Having the burden of my history out of the way and experiencing how the Cullens welcomed us into their lives was something I would never have expected. I had always been sceptical of Alice's tales regarding this vegetarian family that would accept us – even me – as part of their own. But after living with them for only two weeks I knew, that she had been right. They truly were vampires capable of the love, kindness and forgiveness Alice had described, and I felt incredibly thankful and blessed for being able to get to know them.

The end of July approached and it wasn't too long before Emmett, Rosalie and Edward would be going back to College. I had finished reading through Carlisle's history of the last century and turned to some more classic literature like Hemmingway and Shakespeare, while at the same time expanding chess rules with Emmett and fleeing the house with Edward whenever his brother and sister couldn't contain themselves. It was a peaceful life and I enjoyed it more than I would have ever expected.

One night, Emmett and I were sitting on the floor, setting up our third chess match of the evening, when Rosalie and Alice entered the room, taking seats on the couch next to us. "I can't understand how you play this for hours on end. Don't you get bored?", Rosalie asked, half-heartedly flipping through a magazine. "It's fun. And besides, do you have any better ideas?", Emmett replied, placing his king and queen on the board. "Why don't you teach them one of the card games we used to play with Peter and Charlotte, Jazz?", Alice suddenly proposed and I looked up. Emmett was immediately intrigued, asking what game she was talking about. "It's just something we used to play back during my time with the Confederates", I explained but he seemed even more interested now, so I continued: "It's called stud poker, have you heard of it?"

"I've played some poker when I was in London in the 1920s but I would guess that what you're talking about is an earlier form of it?", Edward said, entering the room and taking a seat in one of the armchairs. "I don't know, I've only ever played 5-card-stud and Mexican stud but there are some other forms I have heard of over the years", I replied, getting up from the floor. "Well show us!", Emmett decided and Alice quickly ran upstairs to get my cards. She returned, tossing the deck over to me and I caught it, suggesting that we move to the dinner table. "I don't think we should really bet money. I would have an unfair advantage since I've played before and Edward and Alice would have an advantage as well", I suggested and Alice left her place at the table again. I had just dealt the first cards and started to explain how the game works, when she returned, placing a vase filled with white stones on the table. I recognized it instantly. This vase had d previously decorated the stairwell but the stones would be a good fit to replace coins.

I continued to explain the rules and how the betting system worked – Emmett was very excited about the latter – and then finally opened the first round. We were well into it, betting fifth street, when Carlisle came home and joined us. A few minutes later, the game was over. Rosalie won since even Edward and Alice's talents were useless against her good hand. Emmett was eager for a rematch and asked me to deal again, when Esme joined us as well. "Oh good, you are all here!", she said, taking a seat next to Carlisle. "The weather broadcast has been unusually sunny for the next few days and since some of you are going back to College in a couple of weeks, Carlisle and I were thinking it would be nice to go on a longer hunting trip, all of us together. We could head north for a few days, Carlisle still owns that nice hunting lodge near Juneau… What do you think?", she proposed and suddenly the game was forgotten. "Juneau? Grizzlies? Hell yeah!", Emmett responded, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

Nobody objected to the idea and so it was quickly decided, that we were going to leave within the hour. Everyone went to their room to pack for the trip and while Alice put a few days' worth of clothing into the backpack Esme had loaned us for the trip, I collected my book and the cards we just used. Once finished, we met up with everyone else downstairs and it wasn't before long that seven white shapes ran north, to fast for any human eye to recognize. We kept to the parks and wildlife reserve, crossing Banff, Jasper and Willmore before turning into Spatsizi Plateau. Alice and Edward continuously checked for hikers or hunters in the area to avoid any unfortunate run ins with humans and I was grateful for that. Without any bigger stops on the way, we reached the hunting lodge Esme had mentioned by noon – and boy was it beautiful.

The lodge was about 10 miles southwest from Juneau on a promontory, seated atop a small hill in the forest and overlooking a small inlet. While Alice followed the others into the house to settle in, I stayed outside, taking in the view for a moment. The sun was breaking through the clouds from time to time, reflecting on the clear and still water. As someone who had grown up and lived in the South for most of my life, I had always been astonished by the beauty of the north. The rugged landscape, the huge trees and deep blue lakes - it was something I would probably have never seen in my human life.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?", Alice approached from behind and climbed onto a tree stump next to me. "Yes, it is", I replied, turning towards her. Even standing on the stump she was still a good five inches smaller than me but that had never bothered me. "You are beautiful", I added and placed a short kiss on her lips, letting her taste the emotions that took a hold of me, whenever I looked at her. "I love you", she whispered softly when I let her go, keeping her voice down since these words were only meant for my ears. I smiled and replied: "I love you too" while gently taking her hands into mine. We stood silent for a moment, simply enjoying each other's company and the fact that we were lucky enough to be here together.

"Hey Jasper, are you coming or not?", Emmets voice finally interrupted our moment. He, Edward and I had decided to circle back to the mountains, looking for Grizzlies since Emmett insisted, that they were the most delicious and fun to hunt. "Be right there", I responded, without averting my gaze from Alice's deep golden eyes. "Go, I'll wait for you. That's one thing I am really good at", she said, donning a happy smile and gesturing towards the lodge where Edward and Emmett waited for me. Gently squeezing her hand one last time, I finally let go and ran back to the others.

Our search for the big bears took us about 60 miles inland and into dense forest. Emmett was the first one to smell his favourite snack, however, he did not immediately act on it. "You go ahead", he proposed to me and I raised an eyebrow, surprised at the offer. "Come on, the whole reason of this trip is to convince you that grizzly tastes better than mountain lion", he added and pointed into the direction of the bear while shooting Edward a triumphant look. "Wait, you are using me to settle whose favourite is better?", I realized and shook my head. Their restraint astonished me. "Go on Jasper, Emmett needs to be told a lesson", Edward pointed out and without flashing them another look, I took off. My throat had been burning for a good two hours and I was glad to finally appease my thirst.

I found the bear quickly, so fast in fact, that it didn't even see me coming. With all my force I slammed into the beast and threw it against the closest tree. The grizzly yelped and roared, getting back up on his paws again and charged towards me. But being the superior predator, I had no trouble in evading his attack and breaking its neck in the process. Without hesitating a moment longer I sunk my teeth into its flesh. The warm blood running down the inside of my throat was a relief but the taste was still revolting. Comparing this to human blood would be like comparing stale beer to a fine wine, although the blood of carnivores was less repulsive than the life juice of its plant eating relatives. Dropping the drained carcass I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and turned back towards where Edward and Emmett were standing. They were closer than I expected and I was reliefed I hadn't noticed them earlier. Who knew, if I would have attacked them in my bloodrage.

"You really need to learn a lot", Emmett schooled me and shook his head, "One does not simply kill a Grizzly like that. You need to savour the hunt, make them angry, fight for a while!" This proposition sounded completely ridiculous to me and I raised an eyebrow. "What fun would it be to fight an animal? They are no match for our kind. You'd have to be careful not to break their fragile bones with every move", I commented and Emmett wanted to object, when a loud roar interrupted him. Another bear, bigger than the one I had killed, appeared and Emmett grinned. "I'll show you how it's done", he exclaimed and I felt his anticipation while he ran towards the Grizzly. The beast seemed pretty angry already and I wondered if I had just killed its mate. If that was the case, it would be a mercy to kill it. I couldn't imagine having to live on without Alice if something happened to her.

Edward and I watched Emmett fight the animal and it was like I had predicted: the bear was no match for him. However, he seemed determined to make this fight last and managed to evade the Grizzly's attack without inflicting any major injuries to the animal. "His mother certainly never told him that one should not play with one's food", I commented as I watched the back and forth and Edward chuckled, without commenting on the matter any further. A few minutes later, Emmett delivered the final blow and sunk his teeth into the flesh. I could smell the blood from where I stood and while animal blood was way less tempting than human would ever be, my throat still flared up again. Trying to distract myself from the blood, I turned towards Edward and asked: "Don't you have to hunt to?" He shook his head without taking his gaze from the scene before us: "No, I'm fine for now but I'll seek out some mountain lions with Carlisle tomorrow or the day after that. You are welcome to join us."

I had noticed, that the Cullens hunted way less than I was used to. That I needed to. It had been the same with Alice, when we were travelling together, only less extreme. While she usually hunted every five to six days, this trip had been the first time I saw any of the others hunt since we met them two weeks ago. Two weeks – that sounded like forever for to me. I needed blood at least every three to four days, more often if I was to spend time around humans. "This will change over time as well. You're just not used to go for longer times. From what you've shown me, I gathered that blood was flowing frequently in the South?", Edward addressed my thoughts once again but it didn't bother me as much as it had at the beginning. "More or less every other day, I guess… Maria used it to reward us", I replied and added _And she had many reasons to reward me frequently during my first years_.


	8. Chapter 8: Welcome to our family

Alice was waiting for me, when we returned to the lodge. I noticed that she had changed into another one of her dresses, a yellow petty coat with big white and gold flowers. "How was your hunt?", she asked, approaching us quickly and stopping only a few inches before me. "Apparently nobody has ever told Emmett that one shouldn't play with dinner", I commented and instinctively evaded the punch he was throwing at me for it. "You are such a bore", Emmett teased and followed Edward inside. Looking down at my mate, I realized that she was buzzing with excitement, even more than what was usual for her. "What has you so thrilled?", I raised an eyebrow and placed my arms around her waist, pulling the petite vampire closer, now that we had some privacy. The physical touch increased my perception of her emotions even further and I enjoyed her joy as it washed over me. "Patience, Jasper. You'll find out eventually. For now, I want to go down to the seashore. Will you accompany me?", she replied, looking at me with her big golden eyes. As if I could ever refuse her. "It would be my pleasure ma'am."

We paced ourselves on the way down, but we still were at the shore faster than any human possibly ever could. Alice was clinging to my arm while we strolled along the shore, dancing down the footpath at my side. I loved the way she moved. Everything about her movements was light and airy, as if her feet didn't even touch the ground. My stride on the other hand, was a harsh opposite; sharper and heavier. As a major in the military, I had quickly learnt to hold myself in a certain manner that fit my station. This included walking with a straight back and exuding confidence, as if I always knew exactly where I was headed – even if this was not the case.

The sun had already disappeared behind the horizon and the moon was lighting our path, while the soft sound of the waves crashing against the cliffs and the trees flowing in the wind painted a beautiful scenery. I truly enjoyed being here with my angel, even though I couldn't shake the feeling that there was a purpose to this spontaneous stroll. We crossed an incline and I realised, that our path would take us down to the small stone beach. "Oh Jasper, please, let's go swimming", Alice suddenly said, halting for a moment and turning towards me. My eyes were focused on the beach. The water would probably be deadly to humans: freezing and with some strong currents. But nothing a vampire couldn't handle. "I'll be right behind you", I finally agreed and watched, as Alice turned into a blur before my eyes and ran downhill.

I reached her just as she was dropping her dress, revealing her new bathing suit – or 'bikini' as she had told me. After being with her for more than two years, it was no surprise to me that she had already known we would go swimming and thus dressed appropriately. However - to me - the appropriateness of the attire was discussable. The top and bottom combination left little to the imagination, and in my time, 'scandalous' would not have been strong enough to describe it. But this wasn't the late eighteen-hundreds anymore. Alice had taken her time to explain that this was _à la mode _right now when she first bought the piece and presented it to me. I quietly shook my head at the sight, unbuttoning my dressing shirt, while she already headed towards the water.

We didn't stray too far from the shore and my feet were still touching the ground, when Alice threw herself into my arms and I realised, that there were certain advantages to this bikini as well.

* * *

Later, I was laying with my back in the sand and Alice arranged herself on top of me, her head resting against my chest. "They are marvellous, aren't they?" she suddenly asked, tracing one of the crescent shaped marks on my shoulder. Noticing my irritation, she quickly added: "The Cullens, I mean." Well, that made a lot more sense. "They make you happy, that's all that counts in my eyes", I replied, running my fingers through her wet hair. "That's not what I want to hear, and you know it", she objected, raising her head and now looking straight into my orange eyes. "Why not, it's the truth", I teased but quickly changed my answer as I felt her annoyance, "I'm sorry, love. Yes, they are amazing. Maybe a bit too trusting for my taste but very kind."

Alice chuckled and paced a quick kiss on my nose. "Too trusting? Need I remind you that you were following me without asking twice only hours after we first met?" – "That's different. I didn't have anything to loose or fear from you. The Cullens on the other hand…", I remarked, not stating exactly what I was thinking. Alice knew. And she didn't like it one bit. "You are not going to hurt them", she objected, her voice now stern and louder than before. This was not a request but rather a statement and I left it at that. I didn't want to fight with her about an eventuality that would probably never occur. But just for the case that it did, I would always have a strategy ready to protect my angel and keep her safe.

My thoughts were interrupted by a sudden and intense sensation of hatred, that was not coming from me. It was Alice, which was even more surprising as she hardly ever got angry. "Sorry, I didn't want to upset you", I apologized immediately. However, I had this feeling that her anger was not directed at me. "It's not you, Jazz. Sometimes I just get so angry at what that woman has done to you. You shouldn't have to think about all the ways something could go wrong, when all it really does is go right", she explained and her expression softened, as I calmed her anger. "Don't be angry. I am not. And you shouldn't be either", I said and gently kissed her forehead. "How can you not be angry?", Alice replied, now sitting up. I sighed. Apparently, this topic had her all worked up and I knew that she would get even more upset, if I used my gift on her right now. Thus, I fought down the urge to reset her previous joyous emotional state and sat up as well.

"Look, she might have forced this life upon me but how could I be angry at her, when this life also gave me you", I explained and took her hands into mine, "And besides, now that I have you, I am only starting to truly understand her. I don't dare to imagine, how it would feel to loose you…" Alice's anger subsided and her smile returned as she gently placed her hand on my cheek. "This is never going to happen, Jasper. You are not going to loose me", she softly assured and placed another kiss on my lips.

Once we were more or less dried off, we put our clothes back on and returned to the lodge. With every step, Alice seemed to bounce more and more, her excitement increasing. I smiled at her behaviour and slightly shook my head: "Are you sure you don't want to tell me, what's going on?" But Alice was adamant. I would have to wait and see. A few minutes later we emerged from the forest and found the others sitting in front of a bonfire outside the house. My angel let go of my hand to take a seat on the bench next to Edward. I sat down next to her, taking the last available seat on the bench as I scouted the emotional canvas of the scene. The whole group mirrored Alice's emotions nearly perfectly, especially Esme, Carlisle and Emmett.

"Alice, Jasper, we just had a discussion and we decided that we would like both of you to join our family permanently. If you still want to?", Carlisle announced and suddenly everything made sense. Alice's excitement, why she had led me away from the lodge, and why she had been so eager to get back here after our swim. "Yes!", she exclaimed and immediately started to hug everyone, starting with Edward and Esme, who she enveloped simultaneously with her slim arms. I stayed put and just dwelled in all the happy emotions, when Carlisle approached and sat down next to me. "Thank you for this", I said, holding out my hand to him. The older vampire smiled and shook it: "We are glad to have you. Both of you."

* * *

Alice was buzzing with energy and joy throughout the rest of the night and the following days. It was a pleasure being around her and I savoured every moment of it. "Carlisle and I are going out to look for mountain lions. Would you like to come along?", Edward shook me out of my thoughts and I looked up from my book. "Right, we are still waiting on your answer on that whole grizzly vs. mountain lion question", Emmett pitched in immediately and I held up my hands defensively. "Hint received, I'm going." Quickly placing my book on the couch table, I followed the other two out the door when Alice appeared and stopped me, putting a finger on my chest: "Not that shirt!" I could hear Emmett burst out laughing, as she pulled me into our room, offering a different shirt.

I quickly changed into more appropriate hunting attire and placed a short kiss on her lips before following Edward and Carlisle outside. They both were looking at me with amused expressions on their face but didn't comment on the situation, when I ran past them and directly into the woods. Once again, we made our way up towards the mountains and Edward took the lead. Only two days had past since the hunt with him and Emmett and I might have been able to handle my hunger for another day or two, but I saw no good reason to torture myself more than was inevitable. Therefore, I didn't hesitate to follow the trail I picked up, once Edward and Carlisle had already found their prey.

I had just found the mountain lion and was crouching, ready for my attack, when the wind carried over another scent. One, I would have never expected here and that immediately attracted all of my attention: blood. Human blood. The carnivore in front of me immediately lost all its appeal and my feet took me into the direction of the intoxicating scent as fast as they possibly could. I reached a small clearing and came to a stop, staring at the drops of blood in the fresh snow. Instinctively, I dropped to one knee and reached out with my hand. The snow didn't dissolve by my cold touch but when the red substance touched my tongue, I felt as if my whole body burst to flames. It was as if I had been deprived of air for days and finally was able to breathe again.

Having tasted the blood, the scent now seemed even more prominent and I scrambled to my feet, running towards the source of this heavenly temptation. Or I was, until something hard slammed into me, sending me flying towards the next tree. I landed on the ground and immediately got back up to my feet. Filled with rage, I lashed out at my attacker and managed to grab him by the shoulder, slamming the blonde vampire to the ground. My other hand found his chin and I was about to rip his head off, when another attacker came at me from the side and threw me back. This time I landed on my feet and immediately rushed forward again, when someone grabbed a hold of my arms and managed to hold me back.

This attacker was extremely strong, and I struggled hard against his iron grip when the other two approached us again. "Jasper, snap out of it!", the bronze-haired one ordered and took a hold of my right shoulder. A deep growl came out of my throat and I tried to get my teeth into his arm, but he was quick enough to elude my bite. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, my training told me that the blood's distraction would be my end. But starved as I was, I didn't notice, I didn't care. Until they managed to wrestle me to the ground, restraining my arms and legs. In this moment, the realization hit me hard: That was it. I spent so many years wondering how my new life would come to an end, sometimes even hoping for it to finally be over. But now, I had Alice and all I could think about was her. What if my death would break her?

I struggled harder against the hold and suddenly my head came free and I was looking straight into my angel's eyes. Was I hallucinating? "Jazz, Jazz, please calm down", I heard her voice and the fog in my mind cleared. Slowly getting out of my blood rage, I realised that she was very much real and the three vampires holding me down were Emmett, Edward and Carlisle. "Alice?", my voice was rough, raspier than it usually was. "You can let him go now", Alice instructed but the pressure on my limbs didn't change. "Are you sure?", I recognized Emmett's voice. "Yes, please let him go", my angel confirmed and I finally felt myself free again. "I am going to see if the hiker needs help", Carlisle announced, running off into the direction of the scent that filled my mouth with venom. _I need to get out of here_, I realised, and immediately started running into the opposite direction.

I didn't stop until a came across an elk cow and its calf whom I devoured without hesitation. However, this was only a drop on the hot stone that was my thirst. My throat was blazing like it hadn't in a long time. And the animal blood was just disgusting. Staring at the mess I made, I let myself sink to the ground. "Jasper?", I heard Alice's angellike voice followed by her steps, as she approached me from the side. She sunk to her knees next to me and gently started to run her hand through my hair. "I nearly decapitated Carlisle", I mumbled after a moment, not being able to bring myself to look at her. It was enough to feel her pity, I didn't need to see it in her eyes. "But you didn't, Jasper", she tried to reassure me and stretched out her hand towards my chin.

However, I was not really in the mood to be reassured and ducked away from her touch. "Jazz, please look at me", she now pleaded, and I clenched my jaw. "Please Alice, stop the pity. I can't take it right now." She sighed and moved, eventually straddling my legs. "Fine. I'll wait right here for your self-loathing to be over", she returned and my traitorous corners of my mouth slightly moved upwards as I saw the determination on her face. "That's better", she now smiled as well, the sight shattering whatever dark thoughts I had. Sighing, I gave up and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her close. It was just impossible to ignore her presence. "Are you sure, you don't want to talk about it?", Alice asked softly and ran her hand through my hair again. I leaned into her touch and closed my eyes for a moment, just enjoying her gentle strokes while I started to sort my thoughts.

"I'm sorry I messed up", was all I finally said and Alice sighed. "I'm sorry as well Jazz. I should have seen the hiker… I should have stopped you from going with them", she now apologized, now making me the one who sighed. "Please, don't put this on yourself. No one, especially not me, expects you to see everything", I returned, looking directly into her eyes. "Plus, I don't see how assigning blame is going to help." That last addition seemed to be a good argument, since all Alice did in response was lean forward and kiss me swiftly, before getting up and holding out her hand: "Let's go back to our family."


	9. Chapter 9: Meeting the Denalis

We didn't hurry to get back to the lodge and made a wide circle around the area the wounded hiker had been in. But eventually, we arrived at the house and I couldn't help but stiffen up by the sight of it. Alice noticed the change in my behaviour and stopped. "Have you seen what they are going to do? Are they going to send us away?", I asked under my breath, so that they would not be able to hear it. "Of course they will not! Family doesn't give up on each other", she replied as if this was the most natural thing in the world. But it wasn't to me. To me, the world could be reduced to a simple chain of cause and reaction: You mess up, you get punished. And Maria always took her time to deliver the second part.

Alice guided me towards the front door and once we entered, I immediately wanted to turn around and leave again. Rosalie and Emmett were clearly more interested in each other than in our return. Unfortunately, I also couldn't spot my usual accomplice in these situations anywhere and concluded that Edward most probably had already fled the scene. Before I could say anything about the situation to Alice, Carlisle appeared. He had changed and his eyes were now a bright gold. "Jasper, might I have a word?", the patriarch requested and I immediately saw a way to get out of here. And I needed that right now "Of course. Would you mind if we took this outside?"

Feeling a bit unwary, I followed Carlisle outside. I was thankful to him for not delivering whatever punishment he had decided on, in front of the others. Or at least I hoped that that's what him granting my request for a walk, meant. Following him into the woods, I wondered about the nature of it. I hadn't first-hand witnessed any punishments during my time in the army, though I knew that flogging was a popular choice. Nothing that would ever work on a vampire, unless maybe if the whip was lined with our venom. Maria, on the other hand, had devised a number of ways to discipline her soldiers that managed to put any vampire into a world of hurt. Next to the common punishments for newborns in the South, including starvation, isolation, dismemberment or death, she also implemented a set of more sadistic physical and psychological forms of punishment and she liked to take her time with it. I had been more or less lucky, only having been subject of her fury a handful of times, but I would never forget them.

From what Alice had always told me and what I observed myself over the course of the last few weeks, Carlisle, however, wasn't the violent or sadistic type - and this made him borderline unpredictable regarding my punishment. His emotions didn't help me either, since he didn't show any signs of anger or reproach. All I could feel from him was compassion, mixed with the occasional flash of worry. The blonde vampire stopped when we were about a mile from the house and turned towards me. I approached, carefully keeping eye contact with my superior. "I am truly sorry I attacked you and Edward, and I take full responsibility for my actions", I apologized and bowed my head. "I forgive you Jasper. I know you didn't mean to hurt us", Carlisle replied, and the pure force of his compassion, understanding and forgiveness shook my whole body. I was not used to this kind of emotions and I had no idea to handle them. Especially not, since I expected him to punish me for my misdemeanour.

Carlisle seemed to notice my confusion and I could feel worry lighting up inside him. "Is everything alright Jasper?", he asked and I stood still like a good soldier would, even though everything in me screamed to run. "I'm not sure... I don't understand", I replied and couldn't stand to be this close to him any longer. His emotions were so overpowering that it became difficult to distinguish them from mine. Thus, I took a step back. Now that his compassion wasn't so omnipresent anymore, I could finally sort through my thoughts and express myself: "I didn't expect you to forgive me…" Perplexedly, I watched as a gentle smile appeared on the doctor's face. "Unfortunately, none of us can truly understand the struggle this must be for your Jasper. But no one in our family is ever going to blame you for it. We can all see that you are trying your best", he assured, and I let another wave of his emotions pass over me, calming my nerves. I had been wrong – perhaps it was worse to just be forgiven. I would have taken any punishment over this right now, since I truly had no way to handle this much compassion. "However, there is something related to this, I want to talk to you about", he continued and started walking again. I shook my head in an effort to clear it, and then quickly followed him.

"I'm glad that we were able to restrain you but - I don't want to lie to you - it was a close call. Too close for my taste. One of us could have been hurt." I resisted the urge to apologize again, since it was not appropriate to interrupt one's superior. "We have to expect that this was not the last time that such a situation will occur and I would be more comfortable moving forward, if I knew that we are able to hold ourselves against you", he concluded and now turned his head to look at me. "You want me to train you?", I asked, not believing what I just heard. "Yes, me, Emmett and Edward. Maybe Rosalie and Esme, if they want to." The request came as a complete surprise and though I could understand where it was coming from, it also made me wary. If I truly wanted to prepare them for another situation like this, I would be teaching three strong vampires - one of which with an incredibly powerful gift – how to fight and eventually win against me. I would have to reveal my weaknesses, devise strategies on how to take myself down. This could have disastrous effects, if the day came when I would have to fight them. But then again, even though it was nicely formulated as a request, it felt more like a command. One I couldn't turn down.

"If you wish, but I'll need a few days to prepare", I responded still trying to understand the man and his intentions. "Of course, we don't want to rush you." Carlisle turned onto a small footpath and we continued uphill until we reached the top. The treeline faded and revealed a breath-taking view of the sea and the surrounding mountains. I turned towards the see, my eyes were fixated on the panorama for a moment as Carlisle stepped next to me. "There is a second thing I wanted to talk to you about. Like I said before, we cannot truly comprehend what you are going through since neither my children, nor Esme or I have ever truly lived on human blood for an extended period of time. However, we have friends up here who have gone through the transition to vegetarianism as well. And I was wondering if you maybe would like to meet them?", he suggested, and my gaze shifted from the horizon to his face.

"Friends?", I echoed. "Yes, although we usually refer to them as our cousins. Their family is made up of three sisters, Tanya, Kate and Irina, and a pair, Eleazar and Carmen", he explained, and my eyes widened. _Five_. Another coven of five vampires that were living peacefully together. Or that's what I believed they did as Carlisle called them a "family" as well. How was this possible? _It must be the blood_. I suddenly realised. Maybe animal blood didn't only make our kind weaker but also less provocative. But still, even if this hypothesis turned out to be correct, it was a great risk to meet five strangers, especially since I wasn't one hundred percent sure whether I could trust the Cullens with not only mine but Alice's life. On the other hand, maybe he was right. Maybe they would be able to help me gain some more control. Alice would love that.

"Can you guarantee that they won't pose a risk to Alice's life?", I finally asked and now looked straight at him. I could see and feel his surprise to my question, but he didn't comment on anything other than my question: "Yes I can. I trust them just as much as I do Esme, Edward, Rosalie and Emmett." I nodded. This was the best I was going to get. He trusted them just as much as any of the others. Alice trusted the others as well. And I would have to rely on that trust. "In this case, I'm fine with meeting them", I agreed and could immediately tell, that he was pleased with this response. "I'm sure the others will be thrilled. Esme has wanted to visit them for a while now, but we somehow didn't find the time until now." When he mentioned his wife, I shifted my gaze downhill to where the lodge was located. My thoughts were with Alice once more and I had no doubts, that she would be just as excited as Esme. "She truly means a lot to you", Carlisle said more like a statement than a question. Apparently, my feelings towards Alice were more obvious than I had thought. "She means everything to me", I replied without moving my focus away from where she was at the moment.

xxxx

Of course, Alice had seen that we were going to leave the moment I agreed to the visit, and already instructed the others to pack up. I was used to this kind of behaviour by now, but Carlisle's was taken by surprise when we entered the lodge and his wife was waiting with their belongings packed. "Jazz, in here", Alice called to me as soon as I stepped foot into the cabin and I followed her voice. She was in our room, pointing to a pile of clothes on the bed. "I chose something for you, please get changed quickly. I can't wait to meet our cousins!" I raised an eyebrow and then took a closer look at what she had picked out. Brown linen trousers, a matching west and a beige button down for underneath it. The outfit itself was perfectly fine, but I didn't see the need to change. One look at Alice however told me, that she would not argue about this and so I yielded, quickly closing the door and changing into the ensemble.

"What would you do without me", Alice noted as she approached and stood on the tip of her toes in order to be able to straighten the collar of my shirt. "Oh, wait, I know. Run around in rags and those awful cowboy boots for the rest of your life", she joked and took a step back, examining her masterpiece. "Those were fine boots", I objected and pulled her close, lowering my head to place a gentle kiss on her lips. It was incredible, how fast she could take my head of the very strange conversation I had with Carlisle. Or of the fact, that I screwed up. "No, they were awful Jazz and I am very glad we got rid of them", she returned, handing me the backpack as well as a brown scarf. I gladly accepted it, wrapping the woollen item around my neck. I had to live with the fact, that I never would be able to hide all of my scars. But I still did the best to hide most of them. Especially, since we were going to meet new vampires and I didn't want to alarm them. "As far as I remember, _you_ got rid of them. Secretly and without my consent", I pointed out as we left our room and Alice led me towards the front door. "I had to Jazz! Just looking at them gave me the creeps", she justified, and I tried my best to stay serious while teasing her: "They didn't give _me_ the creeps. I loved those boots."

"What boots?", Esme asked as we approached them. "Oh, just a really old and worn out pair of cowboy boots that I freed the world from when we first met", Alice explained and I could feel Esme's sympathy towards me. "We could always get you a new pair, if you want too", she proposed and I looked at her and smiled gently. That woman truly was the definition of motherly instincts and her overall calm, loving and gentle nature was just a pleasure to be around. Especially for me. "Thank you, Esme, that won't be necessary. But remember this when you can't find your favourite shoes one day", I returned and Aliced started to pout. "That won't happen. In contrast to you, Esme has a wonderful fashion sense." However, she couldn't keep her act on for too long and nearly immediately started to smile again. "Are we ready? I cannot wait to finally meet Tanya, Irina, Kate, Carmen and Eleazar in person. Oh, and Esme, you are going to love what they have done to the house!", she changed the subject and stepped from my side, hooking herself into Esme's right arm. I followed her with my eyes, only noticing now that Emmett and Rosalie were missing.

"Oh, believe me: it is better this way", Edward commented on my thought and I raised an eyebrow. "Yes, we are ready. Emmett and Rosalie chose to enjoy some time alone and stay here", Carlisle confirmed Alice's previous question and counting two and two together, I now understood Edward's comment. Hopefully, this meant that they would be a tad less obvious around each other when we returned to Calgary. "Unfortunately, no", Edward adressed my thoughts again as we started moving and I tossed the mind reader a look. Somehow, their very brazen nature and the fact, that we both suffered under it more than the others due to our gifts, provided something he and I could bond over. "I wonder what's worse: having to hear what they think or actually feeling it first-hand", he continued as we started to run through the woods. Alice, Esme, and Carlisle were behind us, as Edward and I were faster. The current speed was demanding for me, but I knew I could keep it up for a while. Edward on the other hand didn't even seem to try very hard. "Have a guess", I replied to his comment, conjuring up the immense lust and desire I had felt from them earlier inside of me and then projecting it all onto Edward.

The bronze-haired vampire stumbled at the sheer force of the emotions that hit him. It wasn't the first time, that I used my talent on one of them. However, until now I had been more subtle, encouraging or decreasing emotions that were already there - like when I made Emmett even angrier during our fight or calmed Esme's sorrow when I told my story. "Stop that", Edward hissed as he found his pace again, clearly uncomfortable by the emotions I was feeding him, and I complied. "Well?", I asked after we crossed the small river in front of us and continued farther northeast. "I guess you win. Hearing their thoughts and everything is annoying but at least I can distinguish between my own thoughts and theirs. That just now... It was like the emotions were my own. I couldn't tell the difference even though I knew it was you. Is it the same for you?", he replied, and I nodded. "At the beginning it was. I've since learned to distinguish between my own emotions and those around me. But with the very strong ones it's still challenging to not let them affect me too much."

I surprised myself with how easy it was to open up about my gift to him. Alice and I had talked days upon days about her gift and I had given her some insights into mine as well, but it seemed like it was easier for Edward to understand it. Even though his gift was not as physical as mine, they both made us intruders in other's privacy. "Affect you?", he echoed, "Like get aroused when Emmett can't keep it in his pants?" I was surprised at the very blunt example but didn't hesitate too long to answer. "Now you see why I prefer to leave in these situations. Fortunately, my range isn't as big as yours and the influence gets weaker with distance", I replied and jumped over a fallen tree trunk before returning to his question: " See, my gift is very physical. I don't see or hear your emotions, I feel them. I can be aware of the fact, that some emotion isn't my own, but it still affects me. Like, for example the other day, when Rosalie wanted to tear your head off? It wouldn't have taken a lot to get me to do it, even though I had no reason to be mad at you."

Edward nodded thoughtfully and slowed down a notch. I matched my speed to his as we let the others catch up. "Can't you block it out? Like, if I focus on one or a few people at once, I can isolate their thoughts and block out the others", he suggested and I shrugged my shoulders. "Something like that works to keep one person out, but if I really concentrate on another person, I feel their emotions more intense. So, this would be more like a trade-off between one option and the other. It's easier to just keep everyone calm and avoid escalations", I replied just as the other's reached us. Alice sped to my right side and smiled brightly, obviously happy over the fact that Edward and I were talking. I swiftly brushed her hand with mine and sent her a wave of pure love, before looking ahead again as Carlisle announced that we were almost there.

Soon after the trees parted, and we burst into the sunlight, leaving the forest behind. The morning sun reflected from our skin and I couldn't help to admire Alice for a second. She was just perfect, dancing over the grass like a beautiful but very deadly fairy. There was a huge cabin style house ahead and we fell back behind the others as we approached the driveway. The inhabitants must have heard us approaching since the door opened and two vampires - a woman with blond hair and a man with a more Mediterranean look with his olive skin and dark hair - exited. We had slowed down to almost human pace and Esme went first, her arms open in a friendly gesture. "Tanya, it has been too long", she greeted the blonde vampire and embraced her, while Carlisle and Edward shook hands with the man. Alice moved from my side as well, but my arm shot out and I stopped her. The Cullen's had reacted very calmly to her greeting them with their names. I wasn't sure that this would be the case here as well, especially since they were outnumbered two to one. "Jazz, it's ...", she tried to convince me to let her go but I looked at her with a stern expression and she gave in - at least until Carlisle stepped aside and gestured towards us.

"Let me introduce the newest addition to our family: Alice and Jasper", he introduced us and Alice immediately ducked under my arm, speeding towards the other two vampires. "Tanya, Eleazar, I have been dying to meet you! But where are Irina, Kate and Carmen?", she asked, and placed a small kiss on Tanya's cheek. I tried my best to keep the surprised vampires calm without being to obvious. "I... they are in the city... we needed paint", Tanya stuttered thoroughly confused and took a step back. Another step backwards followed as she proceeded to look at me and gasped. I immediately increased my grip on her emotions and calmed her down. There was nothing she had to fear from either Alice or me. "And what a talented addition, Carlisle", the man - Eleazar - now commented and I detected a familiar accent in his words. Spanish maybe? But it wasn't quite like Maria's accent... However, I didn't really waste time to think about this, as I didn't like the way he looked at Alice or what he just said. Two quick steps forward and I stood behind her, my hands protectively on her shoulders and my eyes fixated on him.

"You are gifted?", I didn't pay attention to Tanya's question. My thoughts were entirely focused on Eleazar, assessing whether he posed a threat. I couldn't detect any animosity from him, but my gut told me that something was wrong. There was something in his gaze I didn't like. It was as if he looked directly through her, but not quite in the way Alice did whenever she had her visions. "Jasper, nobody is going to hurt Alice", Edward assured, and him and Carlisle stepped closer to me. However, before either of them could touch me or do anything else, I hesitantly let go of my angel and took a step back. This family was important to her. She had told me a million times, that I could trust them, and Carlisle had given me his word, that these "friends" were peaceful. I couldn't risk Alice's dream just because my gut told me that something was wrong. Thus, I finally yielded and returned to examine the situation, both visually and emotionally. Both of the strangers were looking at me and I stared back, until Alice turned around and danced over to me, gently taking my hand. "It's okay Jazz", she quietly promised, and I relaxed since she now was safe back at my side.

"You have to excuse Jasper, trusting strangers doesn't come as natural to him as it does to his mate", Carlisle apologized on my behalf and I didn't really think what I should make of it. It was a nice gesture, but I was perfectly fine coping on my own. "It's fine Carlisle, we understand. Why don't you all come inside and catch us up? A lot seems to have changed since we last met", Tanya replied after sorting her thoughts for a minute, and gestured towards the open door. Alice immediately started moving, pulling me along as I refused to let go of her hand just yet. However, once she reached Esme, I knew she would be safe, even though our hostess was just next to them. Esme wouldn't let anyone hurt one of her children, and I could feel that she already regarded Alice as one of them. Letting go of her hand, I let myself fall back to walk next to Carlisle. Eleazar was behind us, talking to Edward. "I'm sorry Carlisle. You gave me your word but...", I started but his gesture interrupted me, waving away the topic. "… but you are looking out for your mate. I understand and respect that, Jasper. All I ask is that you give them a chance to earn your trust", he replied and gently smiled as we entered the house and took of our shoes, once more leaving me flabbergasted by his never-ending sympathy and understanding nature.

The blonde vampire led us into a large but very cosy living room. A fire was burning in in the chimney and the walls were adorned with paintings from different eras. Someone had taken a lot of time decorating the room with warm colours, furs and antlers to give it the "cabin in the woods" feel. The only thing that stood in stark contrast with that was the huge window opening up to the back and revealing a scenery that probably was breathtaking during the wintertime, when it hardly ever stopped snowing up here. Tanya took a seat on one of the big brown leather couches and Esme chose to sit next to her. Edward and I arranged ourselves to Alice's left and right on the second couch, while Carlisle and Eleazar ended up in the armchairs. "It's a pity that Rosalie isn't here. My car has given me some troubles over the last weeks...", Tanya hadn't stopped talking to Esme while we entered, but I hadn't given it any real attention until now. I was still observing Eleazar out of the corner of my eye. "Oh, I'm sure she'd be glad to have a look at it. We were actually staying in Carlisle's hunting lodge and they decided to spend some time alone. But we could send them your way once we return", Esme offered but the blonde shook her head. "Don't worry, Esme. I'll bring it to the mechanic in town as soon as the roads are safe again. But why do I keep talking, you have so much more to tell us!" Her eyes shifted towards Alice and me, "How did you two get so lucky and run into Carlisle's and Esme's beautiful family?"

* * *

_**A/N: Thank you for reading! I hope all of you are just as excited to meet the Denali's as I am. I always liked them in the books and wished that there was a little more context to the individual relationships between them and the individual Cullen's – especially Alice and Jasper. I always felt, that Alice and Jasper would really work well with Carmen and Eleazar, especially since both pairs joined an "already functioning" family and had travelled "alone" for some time. So that's what the next chapter is going to be about!**_

_**Thank you so much Stoic's Dream and anonymous guest for reviewing! I have so many ideas for this and would love to hear what you think (or maybe you have some suggestions yourself)? So leave a comment, it certainly makes this writer's day ;-)**_


	10. Chapter 10: Eleazar and the Volturi

Alice nearly burst with anticipation, waiting to answer and I didn't try to slow her down as she started to tell our story faster than a human would be able to understand. It was her version of the story - the one that started with her memory loss and her gift and didn't contain any information of my past except for the fact that I had been wandering around alone while she waited for me. "Remarkable! So, you already knew that we would sit here like this hours ago?", Tanya asked after Alice had finished our story. "As soon as Carlisle decided that we should visit before going back to Calgary", my mate confirmed her suspicion. I could feel how surprised, intrigued and at the same time charmed the two vampires were by her. It was in the range of the usual reactions I observed to someone who met Alice and learnt about her gift for the first time.

"Have you ever seen something like this?", Tanya inquired further. But to my surprise, her question was directed at Eleazar, who had listened closely the whole time. "Never", he replied and then returned his gaze towards us: "You two are quite the couple. Your gift is truly powerful Alice, and even though I have met empaths before, your capabilities display a versatility that impress me, Jasper." His words made all my alarm bells ring. _How did he figure out that I was gifted as well? _I had only been using my powers subtly to keep the situation from getting out of hand in the beginning. Since then I had hardly intervened, except from keeping everyone's emotions calm, something I did instinctively mostly for my own sake. I hadn't tried to influence anyone in a way that would have been noticeable – or at least I had thought so. "Eleazar can detect gifts. That's how he knows", Edward explained, and my eyes widened. He called us powerful, but this gift would have been very valuable in combat – much more than mine had ever been. Knowing exactly what you're up against is priceless and being able to identify your opponent's prodigies makes it so much easier to deduce an adequate strategy... Not even to mention how useful this would have been for recruitment.

Realizing where my thoughts had gone out of habit, I quickly discarded them and shot Edward an apologetic look. "An empath you say, Eleazar? Does that mean you know what we are feeling at the moment?", Tanya continued the conversation, now looking directly at me. I could see how she flinched for a short moment when her eyes trailed over my ravaged jaw and I paused for a moment before answering: "I can feel it, yes." Her intrigue grew and she must have had some questions, since Edward involved himself in the discussion. "Why don't you show them what you showed me today", he suggested but I hesitated. _What exactly should I show them?_ I wouldn't resort to Emmett's lust again. But it had to be something different, something that they didn't feel yet such that they would notice. However, I also didn't want to go towards anger or fear, because this would provide a basis for conflict. I couldn't think of an alternative right now and didn't really feel comfortable being in the spotlight any longer. "I'd rather not... I don't want to hide something, but I don't feel comfortable invading your privacy like that. What Edward was pointing out is that I can't just feel your emotions but also influence them", I finally stated and hoped that they would accept it. "Of course, Jasper, don't worry about it", Esme immediately reassured and Tanya nodded as well, however her eyes still lingered on me.

"I am always marvelled by the sheer variety and power that abilities come in. My sister Kate will be very excited to meet you, she loves to get to know others who are gifted", the blonde remarked and sparked my interest. There was another gifted vampire around? Alice noted the change in my posture and gently laid a hand on my leg. "Kate can shock people with electricity, isn't that right Tanya?", she filled in the blanks for me and quickly added: "I saw her using it on Emmett once, in my visions I mean." Tanya chuckled but nodded her head: "That's correct. Wow, I think I'll need some time to get used to your gift." The others laughed at that comment, they could feel her pain. Everyone but me. I was the only one that had the pleasure of Alice's company long enough to not be surprised by such occurrences anymore. As if her gift had been triggered by Tanya's remark, her hand grew limp on my leg as a vision washed over her.

My eyes rested on her, although I knew that she couldn't perceive anything that happened around her at the moment. The vision came quickly, and I wasn't sure if anyone else even noticed it. Except for Edward, who was staring at her as well. _Could he see what she saw in her thoughts,_ I wondered, and the bronze-haired vampire nodded in confirmation. Just in that moment, her hand curled and she slightly shook her head, as she returned to reality. "Irina, Kate and Carmen will be here in a few minutes. And they found the perfect colour for the new bathroom!", she announced and once again, everyone except for Edward and I stared at her in disbelief. "Well, why don't we go outside and greet your sisters?", Carlisle proposed after they all had overcome their initial surprise and Tanya nodded, leading us towards the front door. Alice immediately followed her, excited to finally meet the rest of the Denali clan, while I chose to stay behind and left the room last, right behind Eleazar and Edward.

Meeting the other sisters was similar to the experience before. They were just as taken aback as Tanya and Eleazar, when Alice greeted them with their names and all of them hesitated for a moment, when they laid eyes on me. I dispersed any signs of shock or fear, sticking to Alice's side and giving my best to stay relaxed. Alice recounted our story once more - the fourth time this month - and the new arrivals were listening attentively, just as amazed by her talent as the Cullens or Tanya and Eleazar had been, when they first heard it. I chose to stand behind Alice - who had retaken her seat on the couch - and watched, as they were fixated on her lips. Observing the conversation, I couldn't help but notice how strange this situation was. Ten vampires in one room and I there was not the slightest hint of animosity to detect. It really must be the animal blood, I returned to my thoughts from earlier and wondered if there were further effects which I hadn't yet noticed.

Once the story was told, the topic changed and eventually, the sisters decided to show Esme the renovation which the second floor was undergoing. Carlisle and Alice decided to tag along while Carmen and Eleazar started to catch Edward up on their most recent travels. I listened in for a moment, before tuning out and focusing on the paintings that adorned the whole room. I had just admired a painting of a battle scene – by the uniforms and flags probably from the French Revolution – when a small picture frame towards the other side of the room captured my attention. After confirming that the three vampires left in the room didn't pay any attention to me, I crossed the floor to take a closer look.

The frame didn't hold a picture but an artistically crafted V-shaped pendant with two rubies. I immediately recognised it: the Volturi in Carlisle's painting had worn similar pendants. I pondered where the Denalis would they get something like this from. I doubted that one could simply receive on of these, unless… one of them belonged to the powerful coven. My skin started to crawl at the thought, and I felt the urge to get back to Alice immediately. For most of my existence, the Italian vampires had been a myth – a nightmare we used to keep our newborns in check. Everyone knew that they once _cleansed_ the South, but no one had seen them since. Most vampires I met weren't even sure that they still existed. From Carlisle I learned that they very much still did. But still, I would never have imagined facing one of them. And I still rather wouldn't.

"This one belonged to me, a long time ago", a voice suddenly interrupted my thoughts and I jumped, instinctively getting into a fighting stance. It had been Eleazar, who approached me but upon my reaction, Carmen and Edward quickly were at his side. It was obvious, that I couldn't stand a chance against the mind reader and two others if this escalated, so I quickly straightened my back and sent out a wave of calm, diffusing the tense situation. Their bodies visibly relaxed, even though I heard Edward snarl quietly as he realized what happened. _You are using your gift on me as well_, I reminded him in my thoughts and then turned towards Eleazar. "Please forgive my reaction, you surprised me", I apologized and internally scolded myself for being so neglectful. _How could I not have noticed him approaching?_

"All is forgiven, I was just curious: What drew you to my pendant?", Eleazar replied with a smile and I detected the slight accent I had noticed earlier again. "Your accent. It sounds Spanish but not Mexican… Given this is yours, I would assume mainland Europe?", I addressed it and a smiled appeared on the dark-haired vampire's lips: "You're very perceptive. Yes, Carmen and I are originally from Spain. Do you know the language?" I couldn't help but smile a little at the prospect of using my Spanish again. Although it was Maria who taught me, the language had always been dear to me. Maybe it was the one good thing that had come out of everything that happened during my time with her. "Yes, I do but I haven't used it in a while", I answered in Spanish and Eleazar's smile widened. "I am always glad to converse in my native language", he replied and gestured towards the armchairs to our left.

I followed his invitation and took a seat in one of the armchairs, while Edward and Carmen returned to their seat on the couch again and quickly resumed their chat. My eyes lingered on the Spanish vampire for a moment, before returning to the pendant. He had said, that it belonged to him a long time ago. This would imply, that he wasn't with them anymore. "I have heard a lot about the Volturi, but I've never actually met someone who belonged to them. I wasn't even sure they still existed until I met Carlisle", I returned to his question from before, sticking to Spanish for now. "Oh, they still exist, but their influence here isn't as strong as for example in Europe", Eleazar explained, also in his native language. "You have quite the accent yourself. Mexican?", he then added, smiling slightly. I could feel no hidden intentions, he was just as curious to learn more about me as I was to learn about him. "I learned Spanish from a Mexican native, yes. But I'm originally from Texas", I replied, sticking to the tit-and-tat-principle: He'd given me some information, so it was only fair if I provided him with some as well. "Well, you certainly picked the accent up perfectly. It's almost impossible to tell that Spanish is not your native language", Eleazar noted and I was positive he meant it as a compliment. Only it wasn't for me. Just another reminder of the fact, that for a long period of time, Maria had taken complete control over me. Not only my actions and life, but my whole identity.

"How long were you with them?", I changed the subject back to the Volturi. I didn't want to think about Maria right now. Especially, since Edward was nearby. Eleazar didn't seem to mind my question as I couldn't detect any shifts in his emotion. This probably meant that their parting hadn't been ugly. An idea that was underlined by the fact that he was still alive. "For nearly a hundred years. I was turned in the late 1740s and left the guard in 1838. I had met Carmen in 1831 and she didn't really appreciate my duties and place in the guard. Thus, I eventually asked to leave, and Aro let me go", he told his story, and my mind immediately started to gravitate around the dates. _1838, that meant he was around for…_ "Were you with them when they intervened in the Southern wars?", the question had maybe come out a bit too quickly, as Eleazar raised an eyebrow and looked at me. I could feel his eyes linger on the exposed scars on my jaw, as he put two and two together. Hesitating for a moment, my hand went towards the scarf that covered my neck, and I slowly pulled it away, revealing some of my worst marks. I'd rather have him understand by himself than having to tell my story once again. I had talked way too much about this painful time of my live in the last weeks. And from the way he looked at me, I could tell that he understood.

"I was part of the first raid, the one that wiped out Benito's clan. But after that, I had different duties. Since my gift also works on humans – only in a limited way though – I was tasked with finding suitable recruits to fill the ranks of the guards we lost", Eleazar recounted and I clenched my jaw. Filling the ranks of lost soldiers – I was very familiar with that task. My eyes fixated on my hands, tracing a few of the scars that were crisscrossing over their backs as I felt Eleazar's sympathy and curiosity towards me. He was probably wondering, how I felt about the wars and what part I played in them. We fell silent for a moment, both hesitant to inquire further and I found myself lost in thoughts once again.

After Peter and Charlotte ran, and especially in the years after I left Maria, I had spent many long nights thinking about the wars in a more conceptual and less attached way and always came back to the Volturi's "cleanse of the South". I had so many questions, and now that I had someone to ask them to, there was only one reappearing over and over again: _Why didn't they stop them once and for all?_ All the suffering and pain, all the newborns I had killed both in battle and because they were too old, all those scars. None of it had to happen, if they only had stopped them once and for all. Eleazar finally ripped me from my thoughts, gently touching on the subject of the wars again: "If you lost someone dear to you during those raids, I am truly sorry." He was still sticking to Spanish and it was very strange to me to hear words of compassion in this language.

I looked up and gently shook my head. "No need to apologize, I wasn't even born back then", I quickly explained in Spanish and noticed that Eleazar still wasn't really sure what to make out of my reaction. "Your confused", I stated and ran a hand through my hair, tightening my scarf again. "I'll be glad to fill in the blanks but there is one question I'd like to ask you first", I requested, and the Spanish vampire nodded, inviting me to continue. "Why didn't they stop it? I see the strategic advantage in letting some live to spread the message. But why leave the old ones, the instigators? They must have known that they would just go ahead and create new newborn-soldiers as soon as the Volturi left", I finally stated the question, my Texan accent coming through in the Spanish since the topic had me quite worked up. Eleazar sighed and looked at the pendant once again before answering in his mother tongue: "They knew, and I am sorry to say: they counted on it. There is a reason for why the Volturi have managed to keep their position for this long: Caius and Aro are formidable tacticians. They know that their power directly comes from our world's need for someone like them. Someone to enforce the rules. By letting the fights continue on a smaller scale, they have the possibility to step in every once in a while to demonstrate their power, and remind us all, why we need them."

I could feel the anger growing inside me as he explained and when he finally finished, my hands were clenched to stiff fists. "Politics", I growled - in English this time – and Edward and Carmen immediately turned to look at us. I took a deep breath, calming myself before continuing in Spanish: "So it all comes down to politics?" Eleazar nodded and I had to supress another growl. The realisation made me angrier than I had expected, and I tried to keep it down, but it was hard – until Alice basically appeared out of nowhere and took a seat on the armrest of the chair I was sitting in. She was careful to make sure that her shoulder touched mine, knowing that the contact would increase her emotions impact on me. Her calming and cheerful sentiments washed over me and helped me push aside all the anger instantly. Thankful for this gesture, I looked at her and wondered for a minute whether she had seen me do something stupid and thus came back down to stop me from doing that. However, I chose to enquire about this later, when we were alone.

"Alice, how did you like the renovation works?", Eleazar addressed my angel and she nodded. "Yes, it's lovely. We were actually just about to start preparing the guest room for painting, but I wanted to see what you guys are doing down here first", she replied in perfect Spanish and my eyes widened. I hadn't known she spoke Spanish, she had never told me. "Well, I see you are just talking. I'll leave you boys to that, I think I have talked enough for the time being", she then added in English and disappeared just as fast as she had appeared. Eleazar and I turned our heads to follow her and I could see a smile appear on his lips. "Am I wrong or were we just checked upon?", he then joked, and I smiled: "No, I think you're right."

Alice's short visit had dispersed the anger that I felt before. It wasn't completely gone, and I would definitively have to think about what Eleazar revealed sometime. But not now. Not here. I turned my head back to him and noticed, that his eyes once more were fixed on the scars on my jaw. "I promised I would answer your questions", I reminded him, and his eyes immediately returned to mine. "Well, if I'm honest I am a bit unsure about what the wars mean to you", he admitted, and I ran one hand through my hair again, before answering: "I spent the first 67 years of my new life fighting in them… I started off as one of the newborns but when my talent manifested, my creator quickly realised that it could be of use, even once I surpassed my first year." I started to give him a short version of my history during the wars, containing just enough information for him to understand, why I had reacted so poorly to his previous answer.

Eleazar listened to everything very attentively and in contrast to most of the others I had talked with before, he looked at everything very analytically, although he still apologized for the fact, that they – referring to the Volturi guard – hadn't stopped something like this from happening first. Then, however, a rather interesting conversation about the necessity of the war and the implications of the Volturi's power for the rest of our race ensued. We had been talking for quite a while, when Eleazar mentioned how he and Carmen met the Denali sisters and chose to follow the vegetarian lifestyle as well. This reminded me of why Carlisle had initially proposed this meeting and I couldn't help but ask him, how he did it. "Not much different from what you did, I suppose. We just stopped hunting humans and started hunting animals", Eleazar replied and chuckled, but quickly noticed that this was not what I meant. "Well, of course we would occasionally slip up in the beginning. But Carmen and I both never really enjoyed the killing and thus it felt more like salvation than a burden", he continued, and I nodded my head. I could understand the "salvation" part all too well. But there was also the part where I was slipping up, disappointing Alice and now probably all of the Cullen's in the process. And this one was even more painful than having to live through my victim's fear and agony as they took their last breath.

"How long did it take you to not be fixated on their blood all the time when you come across one?", I inquired further and Eleazar thought about this for a while. "I would say probably about 30 years… It was shorter for Carmen, she was a natural. I had my troubles, but it got easier with every year", he replied, and I nodded faintly. 30 years, it was a long time, but I had lived more than three times this long; I could do it. For Alice. It was somehow encouraging to hear, that even he – a vampire who had lived longer than I had from human blood – was able to do it. "I'm sure you'll adjust splendidly. Just give it some time, I'm sure it took you a few years to master that gift of yours as well", Eleazar eventually added and I chuckled. He was right. If I was honest, I was still learning until today. Alice had introduced me to a whole array of new emotions that I had never come across during the wars. Like the strange feeling of hope she gave me, when we first met.

As if that thought had been her cue, my mate danced into the room once again, accompanied by Carlisle, Esme and the sisters. She crossed the room and came to a stop next to me, leaning onto the armrest again. "We have to wait for the paint to dry and I was wondering whether you would accompany me on a short stroll through the area", she asked and quickly added, glancing at Eleazar: "You are very welcome to join us." The dark-haired vampire smiled gently but shook his head: "Thank you, but I think it's time I checked what my lovely wife is up to. It was very insightful to talk to you Jasper, I hope we'll be able to do this again soon." With these words he rose to his feet and walked out of the room. I had been so concentrated on our conversation, that I hadn't even noticed how Carmen and Edward left earlier. I stood up as well and gently took Alice's hand into mine: "Lead the way ma'am."

xxxx

My angel led us out the front door and away from the house. We didn't go too far, only a few miles, until Alice let herself fall into the grass and I let myself be pulled down with her. "You and Eleazar seemed to get along well?", she pointed out and I could tell that she was very pleased with this development. "He seems to be a very decent person", I replied and used the fact that we were alone for a moment to pull her close and place my lips on hers. Alice returned the kiss and buried her hands in my hair, placing her tiny body atop mine and pinning me to the grass. My hands ran up her back as she continued with one of her favourite ways to spend time: kissing every single one of the scars on my face, jaw and neck. Sometimes, she even continued farther, spending hours upon hours tracing every single half-moon on my body with her lips. But that wouldn't be appropriate here and today, and she knew that. I examined her peaceful smile every time she stopped for a second to look at me and I stroked the back of her head. The purity of her love was a salve for my scarred soul, and I was sure I would never be able to get enough of it.

"Why have you never told me, that you speak Spanish?", I asked, closing my eyes and enjoying the gentle touch off her lips for a moment. "I figured you already knew. Didn't you ever wonder how I was able to follow everything you did in the years when you still were with her? I wasn't even sure you spoke English until you and Peter became friends. I had to prepare for the eventuality", she explained and put a quick peck on my lips, prompting me to open my eyes again as she started to fiddle with my scarf. "Right… I never thought about that like this before", I admitted and lifted my head such that she could remove the scarf from my neck. Continuing with her little activity, she placed a kiss on one of the deeper bites, one that had been able to rip a chunk of flesh from my neck which I had to reattach after the battle was over. "And what did you see me do, when you came down to check on us before?", I continued and saw her beautiful smile appear in front of my eyes for a moment. "Nothing too bad, but that gorgeous couch table would have been the victim and I thought it was too young to die", she then admitted in a joyful fashion, placing another kiss on my neck. "I'm…", I immediately started to apologize but she stopped me immediately: "Don't! Anyone in your position would have reacted like that. No one ever expected you to be perfectly calm all the time, Jazz. You're allowed to get angry, or frustrated, or upset." This sounded so easy out of her mouth, but it truly wasn't. I couldn't allow myself to become to emotional. Not only because I could end up transferring whatever I was feeling on everyone around me, but also because I still didn't trust myself not to hurt anyone, if I let myself get carried away. The fighting and killing instincts were deeply engraved in me and I knew that someone like Alice, Rosalie, Carlisle, probably even Emmett, would stand no chance against the monster inside me.

"I'm trying, Alice", was all I could finally say on that topic and she accepted it. "Good. And now, why don't you try to catch me?", she sprang to her feet and dashed away and into the woods without waiting for me to reply. I sighed but couldn't help but smile at her nature, as I got up as well and rushed after her. I could hear her small feet on the forest floor ahead of me and accelerated until I could see her figure in the distance. She was smiling brightly, her skin illuminated by the occasional sunray that made it through the canopy of leaves. She was absolutely stunning. My steps got wider as I caught up with her but catching up was only the first step. What was much harder was grabbing her. She was very nimble and anticipated my moves, slipping away every time I extended an arm. After the fifth failed manoeuvre, I changed my tactics and accelerated further, running ahead and away from her. Finally, running a b-line, I was able to come at her from the side. With one well-timed jump my hands reached her shoulders, grabbing them and taking her with me as we tumbled to the floor and rolled over several times. We were both laughing – soprano and bass -, as we rolled out of the forest and came to a stop in the grass. For once, I felt completely carefree. Alice had a special talent to elicit this side of me. And she was the only one who managed to do so.

Getting up on my feet again and picking a few stray leaves from my shirt, I suddenly realised that we were being watched. There were at least three people nearby, all feeling… pleasantly surprised and happy. Turning around, I realised that we were closer to the house now and Carlisle, Esme, Kate and Tanya were observing us fooling around from the big window in the living room. "Earth to Jasper", Alice shook me out of the rigid posture I had taken on, when I realised that we were being watched. Following her towards the house, she danced impatiently in front of me – at least until a vision hit her and she halted in her step for a split second, before resuming her stride: "Oh, I see you are going to offer your help with painting the attic." I raised an eyebrow: "I am?" – "Yes you are, and I accept on Kate's behalf", she smiled and opened the door for us, already announcing that the bedroom was ready for the second coat of paint and that Carlisle, Eleazar and I could get started on the attic.

* * *

_**A/N: I wish you all happy Easter! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed my take on the Denali's and especially the conversation between Jasper and Eleazar.**_

_**The last part of this chapter introduced an issue I would like to touch on some more later: The fact that Jasper is different with Alice than with the rest of the Cullen's or honestly - anyone else. I always percieved Jasper as being Alice's mate and husband first and foremost, and only as a Cullen (or Hale as in Twilight) second. This was emphasized by Stephanie Meyer as well, stating that Jasper was sticking to the vegetarian lifestyle mostly for Alice and that he probably wouldn't have sticked to it if it wasn't for her - especially since it's so hard for him. Of course, he did grow closer with the other Cullen's over the decades, but there are hints even in Twilight and especially in Midnight Sun that emphasize, that his allegiance to Alice is stronger than anything else. And I think, this is an issue that especially Esme will have to learn to deal with.**_

_**Have a great easter break (if you have one) and please leave a review if you liked it or have some thoughts on the chapter or the issue I adressed in this little note. **_


	11. Chapter 11: Wedding Preparations

We spent another day with the Denali's before we headed back towards Calgary again, picking up Rosalie and Emmett on the way. By the time we left Denali, the second floor and attic were painted, and Esme, Alice, Kate and Carmen had already picked out fabric for the curtains. I had helped when my angel asked but preferred to spend most of my time talking to either Carmen and Eleazar or Tanya and Carlisle. At some point, the blonde vampire had revealed that she and her sisters were over a millennium old – a hard pill to swallow for someone like me who was used to count our second lives in weeks rather than months or years. Tanya had also confirmed Eleazar's earlier estimate: She and her sisters had taken about 35 years give or take to comfortably converse with humans without constantly thinking about their blood. I had sighed at that point; I was in for a few very unpleasant decades.

We returned to Calgary the Saturday before the new school year started. Amusingly, out of all the vampires in the family, Alice was the most excited for college to start – and she wasn't even going. The days where peaceful and I found myself getting more comfortable with the new situation by the day, reading through Carlisle's library while Alice and Esme took to redecorating the guestroom that had now permanently became ours. But, every day as soon as the others returned from their courses, the peace was over. Alice danced around her 'siblings' – she started to refer to them as 'brothers' and 'sister' immediately after we returned from Denali – and pestered them with questions about what they had learned. To her frustration however, none of them was eager to talk about their lectures, especially after spending hours on campus.

The first time Alice got on Emmett's nerves with questions regarding his Latin course ended in him chasing her through the house and me immediately separating them, snarling ferociously at the huge vampire that was after my mate. However, as a similar scenario repeated itself almost every night and I realized that none of them were ever going to hurt her, I didn't bother to interfere in their little squabbles every time anymore. Thus, I only raised an eyebrow when my angel passed the couch one night, Emmett's physics book in her hands. "Dammit, Alice you annoying little pixie. Give that back!", Emmett following her through the door to the garden. I lowered my book, following them with my eyes and a slight smile on my lips. Alice was dancing around the porch, holding the book over her head – as if Emmett couldn't reach it there. "You'll get it back as soon as you tell me about _elevation energy_", she demanded and slipped away from his grasp again and again. "Emmett, get back in here! This is supposed to be done in pairs", Rosalie complained from the dinner table behind me and I sighed. As usual, her emotions where more intense than everyone else's and it was hard to keep her annoyance from rubbing off on me. Thus, most of the time I resorted to dulling her feelings – more for my sake than hers - but I had to careful. Getting caught was not a pleasure with her.

The entrance door opened and closed as Alice was still evading Emmett's fruitless attempts at recovering his book. "What is going on here?", Carlisle asked, placing his briefcase on the dinner table and greeting his wife with a gentle kiss. "Alice has taken Emmett's physics book hostage and Rosalie is losing her patience waiting for him to finish their English project", Edward summed the situation for him. Carlisle and Esme both chuckled and she was just asking him about his day when a scream disrupted the evening air. I would recognize that voice anywhere. In an instant I was on my feet and out of the door, the book I had just read landing on the couch behind me. My hands were clenched into tight fists and my whole body was trembling from anger when I reached the two quarrelling vampires. Emmett had thrown Alice over his shoulder and apparently retrieved his physics book and she was not pleased by this at all. "Let me down you brute", she demanded, beating her tiny fists against his back. It was a more or less harmless situation, but her scream had all my instincts on high alert. Thankfully, I could keep myself from attacking Emmett, but I wasn't able to back down completely. "Let her go, Emmett", I ordered, my voice immediately taking a tone that I had frequently used with my soldiers – both mortal and immortal. Emmett looked at me and I could tell that he was weighing his options. However, eventually he decided it was wiser to follow my request and put my mate down on her feet.

"She deserved it", he mumbled before going back inside. Alice approached me, gently taking my hand into hers and exuding lots of love and tranquillity to calm me down. "That wasn't necessary Jazz, he wouldn't hurt me. But thank you anyway, my hero." I smiled and pulled her close, wrapping my arms around her tiny waist. "I know. But it's my job to protect you, and I take that one very seriously." Alice returned my smile and quickly placed a peck on my neck, something she did frequently as she couldn't reach my lips without my assistance, before heading back inside as well. I followed her and retook my seat on the couch. This time, my angel chose to stay at my side, leaning against my shoulder as she observed the others getting back to their homework at the dinner table. The room turned quiet for a moment and I had returned to my book when Alice suddenly let out a deep sigh. I looked up and gently brushed her shoulder with my hand just as Edward asked: "Then why don't you?"

"Why doesn't who do what?", Emmett immediately wanted to know and looked up from the paper in front of him. Rosalie punished his distraction by throwing a pen towards his forehead. It hit with a dull sound, but nobody really seemed to care, as our eyes were on Edward, waiting for an explanation. "Alice was thinking that she would like to go to school as well", the mind-reader finally clarified, and I looked down at my angel. Alice shifted in her place nervously and took my hand. "I don't know... Jasper would be here all alone and that ...", she started but I interrupted her: "Alice, please. I am perfectly content in being alone. And besides, Esme is home most of the time anyway. If you want this, I think you should do it." Her face lit up as she eagerly turned towards Carlisle: "Is this even possible? Could I really join them?" The patriarch was looking at her as well, a thoughtful expression on his face. "We would have to consider it carefully... The semester has already started weeks ago. And it's not common for young women to attend College around here. And another Cullen appearing out of thin air could raise suspicions", he noted, more to himself than to the group.

"But Rosalie has been doing this for years! And I am sure we could find a great cover story. Alice could be my sister", Emmett suggested, and I could tell that he was already set on the idea of Alice joining them on campus. "I don't think anyone would buy that Em", Rosalie noted without looking up from her paper, still rather annoyed at the fact that her husband wasn't contributing to their project. "What if instead of another Cullen, we would have another Platt? Alice could pose as Esme's younger sister and we could say that she and Jasper lived in the South for a while but want to get settled up here. Since we already have a big house, it's only be polite for you to offer them to stay here until they find a place of their own", Edward suggested. Esme nodded, adding: "College or not, we would have to settle on a cover for them sooner or later anyway." All eyes were now set on Carlisle again, as he considered the option. "They would have the accents to match the story... However, the whole story would hinge on the fact that...", he stopped in his sentence and his gaze shifted back to Alice and me, "Have you two ever been married?"

_Married_. The word resonated in my ears. Marriage had always been a human and religious concept to me, based on the whole 'until death do us part' idea, which certainly did not apply to us immortals anymore. This, combined with the savage lifestyle and harsh environment of my first years as a vampire, had had led me to believe that marriage was something that would never be possible for Alice and me. Just like we would never be able to have children, raise a family or grow old together. Alice had never brought it up either. I looked down at my angel, who met my gaze with her golden eyes. "No, we haven't", she finally responded without taking her eyes of me and I could feel, that she was hurt by my puzzled reaction. I gently squeezed her hand and looked back up at the others, who were now all looking at me.

"To be honest, I never considered it to be a possibility", I explained myself and quickly shifted to look at Alice again, as her hand went limp in mine. Her expression was plain as a vision washed over her. Unlike Edward, I could not be sure what she was seeing at the moment, but from what I felt it could only be something positive. There was enormous joy and excitement radiating from her. And Edward mirrored these emotions as he observed her vision. "It is for us. Esme and I got married in 1922 and Rosalie and Emmett have celebrated their second wedding three years ago", Carlisle continued. They had gotten used to Alice's visions by now and hardly reacted to her lapses anymore. I reluctantly shifted my eyes from Alice back to him. "This is not something you two should have to decide right now, but it would certainly help the story if you were married. At least on paper. Alice would also attract less attention on campus if she was at least affianced."

Whether I wanted to marry Alice or not was nothing I had to consider. Since the moment we first started travelling together, it was clear to me that I would never again be able to exist without her. I would stay with her for as long as she wanted me to. However, the idea still left me thinking. How would this even work? The idea that vampires could not enter a church was nothing more than a myth, but I had no desire to do so. I had been raised in a strict catholic home and the idea, that our souls were dammed from the moment of our rebirth, helped me in coming to terms with the unspeakable things I had done. But with his background and from what he had told me, I suspected that Carlisle felt the same way. And he had still married Esme decades ago…

A sudden pull on my hand immediately discarded the thoughts and my focus returned to my mate. "I am getting married", she mumbled, only now realising what her vision meant. "We are getting MARRIED!", she finally exclaimed as it dawned on her. Not a second later her arms were wrapped tightly around my neck and she was giving me the most radiating smile. I returned her smile and dwelled in the thought of her as my wife for a moment, before loosening her grip and returning her hands into mine. "Alice, is this what you saw? Are we planning a wedding?", Esme asked, putting her hands together in excitement. I could feel six pairs of eyes on myself and nodded slightly. "Well, you heard the lady", I confirmed without taking my eyes of Alice, "We are planning a wedding. Of course, only if you'll have me?"

"Yes, always Jazz!", she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around my neck once more. This time she crawled onto my lap and pushed her lips against mine. I kissed her back, entertaining her overwhelming excitement for a moment, before pulling away and gently removing her from my lap. The large amount of physical contact made her emotions even more powerful to me and I couldn't think clearly with all that excitement and joy running through my head. "So, how exactly is this going to work?", I asked and looked at Carlisle for guidance. "Well, that depends on what you two want", he explained and took a seat on the table. Alice rose and followed his example, pulling me with her. Esme sat down next to her husband and I took a place next to my mate as well. The word "wedding" seemed to finally have sparked Rosalie's interest in the discussion, as she removed her textbooks. Emmett and Edward on the other hand, fled, their interest in the conversation only limited.

"Esme and I went to the town hall to get legally married. Emmett and Rosalie did the same thing the second time around since he was still rather new to our life when they got married the first time. This is however not necessary, if you do not feel comfortable about it", Carlisle explained and looked directly at me with his last sentence. I understood. The officiant would be human and considering my bad self-control, this was a risk. "We could just get the certificate forged like we do with our all our papers, no one would notice", Esme added but I stopped her with a wave of my hand. "No, if we are really doing this, I want it to be by the books. I'll manage", I looked at Alice, who had taken my hand again, beaming with positive energy. "Good, in this case we will have to get identification and birth documents for both of you. I'll need to check but I think we will be able to get them within a few weeks. Then you would be able to get married before the next semester starts – of course only if this is what you want." We nodded synchronously and Carlisle started to write something onto a sheet of paper Esme handed him.

"Do you think I could take Jasper's name?", Alice suddenly asked, and I couldn't help but smile at the request. I hadn't expected this at all but the idea of Alice taking my last name made me a very happy man. "Jasper has been dead for long enough, I do not see why this would be a problem. And it doesn't interfere with you being Esme's sister, as long as your maiden name on the certificate is Platt", Carlisle remarked, and turned towards me: "It just occurred to me: Jasper, you never mentioned your last name. I will need that for the documents." I nodded, gently running a hand along Alice's back. "Of course. It's Whitlock – W-I-T-H-L-O-C-K", I spelled it out for him and watched as he wrote it down.

"And where is this whole wedding going to take place?", Rosalie now inquired, changing the subject once more, and I looked at my angel. Frankly, I didn't really care as long as she was there and I somehow had a feeling, that she already had a pretty clear vision of the day. "I couldn't tell from the vision…", my angel admitted, and I gently squeezed her hand. "Texas and Mississippi are no options", I quickly eliminated both of our home states. They were too far South. I had no idea how far north the fights were reaching these days and I wouldn't risk a run in with my past. "What about Philadelphia?", Esme suggested, "From what Alice told me it is a very special place for both of you? We can get an adjusted licence that fits with the cover story later". Rosalie immediately was on board with this idea and pitched in: "We could throw the reception in our house near Harrisburg." Alice beamed: "What a wonderful idea! It would be so nice to see Philly again!" I had no reason to object as well. Esme was right, Philadelphia would always hold a dear place in my dead heart since it was where I found my salvation.

"Wonderful idea Rosalie, oh Alice you'll love the house there! We have a beautiful backyard. Although, I would want to go down there a few weeks prior to freshen everything up. We haven't been on the east coast in a long time", Esme explained, and Carlisle took further notes on the paper in front of him. "What about the guest list? If this is going to happen in a few weeks, we should send out the invitations as soon as we can", Esme immediately skipped to the next point and I was glad that she, Carlisle and Rosalie seemed to be such an experienced team in planning these affairs. Alice and I just had to sit, listen and answer their questions. "You'll need witnesses for the official ceremony, as well. Do you have anyone in mind?", Carlisle added since both of the parts were connected.

I immediately saw a familiar face in my mind, but I didn't voice my thought. Alice still noticed my hand that instinctively touched the scars on my neck. "You're thinking about Peter, aren't you?", she asked gently and ran her fingers over the back of my other hand, which she had been holding the whole time. "Yes, but that's impossible. He's even more unpredictable than me when it comes to humans", I explained, and Alice didn't object. She knew I was just stating a fact. "I think they should still be there. Could we invite them to the reception?", she proposed and turned to Carlisle. I shifted my gaze over to the older vampire as well. "As long as they agree not to hunt nearby, I don't see why you couldn't", he concluded, and I smiled in relief. Peter was the closest thing I had to a brother in this new life and it would feel wrong not having him there that day. "Great!", Alice exclaimed and let go of my hand to gently touch Rosalie's. "Would you be my maid of honour?", she then asked the blonde, which immediately accepted.

I looked at them and from there it was not hard to decide who I would ask to witness for me, if it could not be Peter. "Hey Emmett", I called out, knowing that he could hear me from wherever he was in the house, "Want to be my best man?" It only took a few seconds before a loud "Sure, as long as I get to throw the bachelor party" could be heard from upstairs and I raised an eyebrow. "Maybe that was not the best idea…", I mumbled, but Alice smiled: "No Jazz, it's perfect. And I think we should also invite the Denalis." I had no objections to this and Esme, who had taken pen and paper from her husband, wrote their names down as well. Now that the most important points were discussed, the conversation turned towards topics that weren't my thing at all: colour-schemes, flowers, attire… I zoned out as soon as Esme, Rosalie and Alice started to talk about possible visions for her dress. Gently placing a kiss on her head, I finally stood up and returned to my book. However, I couldn't really concentrate since my mind couldn't move on from the fact, that I really get to marry my Alice. How did I deserve to become this lucky?

The next few days were at the same time strange and exciting. Alice, Rosalie and Esme dove headfirst into wedding planning and I helped where I could. However, I didn't interfere too much with most decisions. Anything that made Alice happy was fine with me. Carlisle sorted out all the documents and legal stuff, ordering birth certificates and identification for both Alice Platt and I, as well as the identification and documents Alice Whitlock would need to enrol into college at the start of the next semester. Everything was moving forward pretty fast and only two weeks after we had decided on getting married, the date was set. Alice and I would get married on Saturday, 30th August 1950.

xxxx

We only had about one month left until the big day and I knew that I had to leave as soon as possible to find Peter and Charlotte - a fact that Alice apparently hadn't been aware of, since she stormed into our room one week after we set the date, putting her finger on my chest. "You cannot leave tomorrow! We don't have your suit yet!", she exclaimed and crossed her small arms in front of her chest. "What's wrong with the suits I already own?", I replied, taking a seat on our bed. "You are not going to wear something you have worn before to our wedding Jasper", she scolded and placed herself in front of me. "I could go with him tomorrow morning, I need to pick up your rings anyway", Rosalie suggested, appearing in the doorway. "You would be done before noon and could leave after that", she assured, and I nodded. Her proposal came as a surprise. I had not spent too much time with her since we arrived in Calgary, but I didn't have to. Rosalie's emotions were very intense and spoke for themselves - at least most of the time. "Fine, but I'll give you some pointers on my vision for him", Alice agreed just as Emmett appeared behind his wife: "Wait, who is leaving?"

"I am. I have to find Peter and Charlotte", I replied watching Alice take Rosalie by the hand and pulling her into our closet, where she pulled out one of my suits and started to give the blonde an idea of her vision for my wedding suit. "Great, I'll come with!", Emmett decided and commandeered my attention again. "I don't think that's a good idea." I returned to my book, not intending to discuss this any further. "Why not? Travelling alone is boring and I can't stand to be around these wedding-crazy girl's another day", he returned, and I sighed. His determination was unyielding. "You are not going to give up, are you?", it was more an observation than a question. His face, painted with a big grin appeared in the corner of my eyes: "Nope." – "Fine", I finally yielded, but couldn't contain a snarl that escaped my throat as Emmett's big hand landed on my shoulder. "This is going to be great!", he exclaimed, ignoring my reaction. Turning and exiting the room again, his voice echoed through the whole house: "Eddie, road trip!" My eyes widened. "Emmett, I never agreed to…", I started but it only took my one look at Alice to understand, that I wouldn't be able to get these two off my back.

Looking at my angel, I suddenly got an unwary feeling. If Emmett and Edward came with me, that would leave only Rosalie, Esme, and Carlisle to keep her company. To protect her if something were to happen. And from how easily Carlisle invited us, especially me, into his home, and my experience with Esme's gentle nature that just wasn't enough. Turning on the spot, I followed Emmett downstairs, where Edward was sitting at the grand piano. The bronze-haired vampire stopped his playing and turned to look at me. I wasn't completely sure yet how far his gift reached, but I knew enough to be sure he heard my thoughts from upstairs – if he was listening. "You know this is completely unnecessary. We never had any problems with others", Edward finally said, confirming my suspicion that he already knew. _You haven't seen what I have. Not all of our kind are as civilized as this family, _I reminded him and dwelled in some old memories for a moment, to make a point. Edwards expression changed and I could feel his anger, disgust, and torment as he once more saw some glimpses of my tortured past. "Stop it Jasper", he finally growled, and I complied. My point was made. Edward eventually agreed to stay, although he still insisted on the fact that this was Canada and it was about as far as you could go from the wars while still staying in the inhabited parts of this continent.

Thus, I left early the next morning with Rosalie and Emmett. After having a pretty disturbing vision of myself ripping the tailor's throat out because he pricked himself while fitting another costumer, Alice had called ahead and convinced the owner to close the shop for us. He was happy to comply – of course against adequate compensation. Emmett went to pick up the rings and run some errands for Esme while Rosalie escorted me to the store. They were already expecting us. "Mister and Miss Cullen?", the owner greeted us and Rosalie discretely handed him an envelope, undoubtedly filled with cash. "Misses Cullen, and this is my future brother-in-law, Mister Whitlock", she explained as she let him take his coat and I quickly remembered to take mine off as well. Handing it to the young woman assisting him, I braced myself for what was coming. I had stopped breathing once we exited the car but hearing their little hearts beat quickly - nervous to be in our presence - was enough to make me want to sink my teeth into their flesh. Luckily, against all expectations, Rosalie was very considerate about my situation. She quickly took the lead, making the two humans follow her. I relaxed a bit, as she led them away from me and followed at a distance.

"So, we are looking for something appropriate for the groom?", the tailor asked Rosalie as they approached the clothing racks and she nodded. "Yes, actually my sister already has a very clear vision for her future husband's suit." The blonde opened her bag and pulled out a sheet of paper, which she unfolded and then handed to the tailor. I caught a glimpse of it in the process and realised that Alice had designed a suit for me. Of course, she had. This was so like her. A small smile appeared on my face as the tailor confusedly took the paper and studied it. "You sister is very talented, does she work in the industry?", he asked, his eyes still fixed on the drawing. I would have loved to get a closer look at it as well, but I didn't dare to approach the human. "She dabbles. Now, we need a suit just like this in 3 weeks. Can you do that?", Rosalie explained Alice's demands and the man started to sweat. "Three weeks! That is very short notice…", he stuttered but quickly grew silent as Rosalie handed him another bundle of money. "We will of course pay you adequately. Money is not an issue."

From this point on, there seemed to be no further complications and the tailor quickly got to work. Unfortunately, he handed the design to his assistant, so I couldn't get a better look at it. But I trusted Alice, and I didn't care what I was wearing most of the time anyway. As long as it was functional and appropriate, it was fine for me. The only set of clothing I was ever attached to, was my confederate uniform. And that one was unfortunately shredded beyond recognition during my first years with Maria. I didn't have time to think about this anymore, as Rosalie directed me towards the changing rooms. Even though he now had a design to work with, the owner insisted that I try on a few suits to look at different fits. I complied without objection, hoping to get all of this over with as soon as possible and get out of this store that was reeking of humans. It took three suits until the owner was satisfied and ordered his assistant to get the measuring tape. "Have you already considered fabrics?", he asked Rosalie and gestured towards a table where the assistant had previously laid out some fabric samples.

I kept my distance as they discussed different possibilities when the assistant returned and handed her boss the measuring tape. He thanked her and turned around, gesturing towards the small pedestal. "If you would please, Sir. I need to take your measurements", he explained, and my eyes grew wide. This human close enough to me to take measurements? That wouldn't go well. I froze up and immediately backed away as the man approached me. "If you don't mind, I'll be doing this", Rosalie stepped forward and took the tape from him. The tailor raised an eyebrow and objected: "With all due respect miss, I am a trained professional and these measurements need to be exact." Rosalie put on a charismatic smile and I nudged his emotions into compliance, as the blonde explained the situation: "My future brother-in-law here doesn't feel comfortable around strangers." Leaning closer, she whispered: "He just returned from Korea, if you know what I mean." I smiled slightly. Rosalie was really good at this. It wasn't too far from the truth since my problems with humans, at least to some extent, came from the war, but fit was perfectly adjusted to the current situation.

The tailor backed off and I stepped onto the pedestal as Rosalie started to take the measurements as he instructed. I didn't really feel comfortable with her being so close to me either, but it was a hundred times better than having the human. Once they collected all the necessary measurements for the trousers, Rosalie moved on to measure the width of my shoulders. "We cannot measure precisely like this. If you wouldn't mind Mr. Whitlock, could you please take off the shirt?", the tailor explained as Rosalie tried to manoeuvre the tape around the collar. She agreed: "It would really be easier." I swallowed dryly. The human would never notice, his eyes were to weak. But Rosalie would. She would see them, and I wasn't comfortable with this at all. However, I didn't really have a choice. The tailor already was suspicious and Rosalie, perfect Rosalie who didn't have one flaw, would never understand. Clenching my jaw, I finally started to unbutton the shirt. At least I was wearing an undershirt that would cover some of them. But the worst ones were along the side of my neck, my shoulders and my arms. And these couldn't be hidden by the sleeveless top.

Rosalie gasped when the shirt slid off my shoulders and I did my best to calm the fear she exuded despite struggling with my own demons as well. She stood still as a statue and didn't even breathe until the tailor reminded her that he needed the circumference of my neck. This shook her out of the rigidity, and she placed the tape around my neckline once more. I kept my eyes focused on the opposite wall, hoping that this would be over quickly, while she placed the tape around my neck once more. Rosalie had moved on to my arms when she finally broke her silence. Quietly, too quiet for the humans to hear, she finally said: "I'm sorry. I didn't know." Her sympathy was true, I could feel it. But I never liked being pitied and I certainly didn't want it from her. Thus, I slightly shook my head: "It's okay, don't worry about it." She named the length and then continued to my other arm. After this was measured as well, she placed the band around my waist. "I don't get it… why would someone bite another vampire?", she continued, and I shrugged my shoulders. "Newborns act instinctively… And it's fairly effective. Our teeth can easily penetrate skin and the venom still stings. Not as bad as during transformation but enough to affect an opponent's focus", I explained in a low voice and the blonde nodded, taking the last measurement with any further comments.

As soon as she was finished, I retreated into the changing room and put my own clothes back on. The doorbell rung and I heard the tailor explain that the shop was closed for the public. However, from the kissing noise that ensued, I was sure that it was not the 'public' but rather a huge vampire that entered the shop. I hurriedly finished dressing and exited the cubicle. Rosalie was talking with the tailor again and thus I headed towards Emmett, holding out my hand. He handed me a small black box and I quickly opened it to check whether everything was fine with the rings. Alice and I picked them out a few days earlier and since this whole affair was on a short notice, the jeweller agreed to let us have the showroom pieces. They just had to refit them and engrave our names and the wedding date on the inside. We had chosen to omit the year, such that we could keep them forever. I turned the box in the light to get a good look at the two simple golden bands. The inscription looked fine and since I couldn't find anything out of order, I handed the box back to Emmett. However, Rosalie snatched it out of my hand before it reached his palm. "I'll be taking these for safe keeping", she explained and stored the black box in her purse. "We are all done here. Let's go."

Emmett and I didn't need to hear that twice. We followed her outside and to the car. She had agreed to drop us off outside the city. From there we would head south towards Portland, where we hopefully could find more information on Peter and Charlotte's current whereabouts.

* * *

_**A/N: Lots of exciting stuff is coming in the next chapters: the wedding, Peter and Charlotte meeting the Cullens and Denalis for the first time, the honey moon... But first I hope you enjoyed this chapter :-)**_

_**How do you imagine Alice and Jasper's wedding? Leave me a review with your thoughts, I would love to read them!**_

_**_ Sanna Hale_: **Thank you so much for your review! I am glad you liked the last chapter and I completely agree with you regarding Jasper's behavior in Midnight Sun. The part you mention is exactly the one I was refering to when writing the A/N, I liked that one a lot! It shows how Alice and her security are his first and foremost concern. Hope you like this chapter as well :)_


	12. Chapter 12: Peter and Charlotte

Emmett and I ran tirelessly southwards, sticking to the National parks and forests wherever possible. The trees gave us enough coverage to run as fast as we could. Or at least, as fast as Emmett could. I would have been faster without him but even though I didn't like the idea in the beginning, I didn't mind his company now. Peter and Charlotte could be anywhere, possibly not even on the continent, and finding them would take some time. And although I had travelled alone for many years, I never particularly enjoyed it.

We passed the border east of Vancouver and only stopped once to hunt, about 150 miles outside Seattle. "Why exactly are we heading to Portland? I thought they were in Canada the last time you met them", Emmett asked as we buried the drained bodies of our prey. "There is information I need in Portland", I explained. Emmett grumbled at this vague response. I had been keeping him in the dark on the details of the plan and he didn't enjoy it at all. It wasn't that I didn't trust him - if I trusted him with Alice, I could trust him with almost everything else - but the system of p.o. boxes Peter and I had set up in case we ever needed to find each other, wasn't only my secret. It was Peter's as well.

"So, are you ever going to tell me how that information is going to help us?", Emmett tried to get my lips loose once more when we entered the outskirts of the city a day later. We had reached Portland the afternoon before but since the sun was shining, there was no way for us to get into the city. "I can't tell you the details, but Peter and I have ways to find each other, if we ever need to. And there is information on their current whereabouts here in Portland", I explained and took a left turn. The postal office I was headed towards was three streets from here and I didn't want to take Emmett any closer. Thus, I nodded towards the café on the corner. "Would you mind waiting here? I won't be long." The brown-haired vampire muttered some words I couldn't understand but eventually pushed the door to the café open.

I continued down the street and made sure, that he didn't try to follow me before entering the post office. Fortunately, I was the sole costumer and could immediately proceed to the counter. I handed the woman sight the key from my purse and waited as she collected the mail. It took a while and my mouth was filled to the brim with venom, when she finally returned, a handful of postcards in her hand. I accepted them with a thankful nod and noticed her flinching as my cold hands brushed hers.

"I'm also going to need a map of North America", I explained, and my hands gripped the counter tightly, as she flipped her hair in a flirtatious move. "The maps are over there darling", she explained and pointed her perfectly manicured fingers towards a rack in the corner. I turned and quickly searched for the map with the largest coverage of area before returning and hastily placing a 5-dollar bill on the counter and turning towards the exit. "Wait up, what about your change?", she yelled after me, however I was out of the door before she could truly react. Stuffing the post cards and map into the inside of my jacket, I headed back towards where I had left Emmett.

The brown-haired vampire saw me coming and immediately left the café. "Did you get your info? Where are we headed?", he asked as soon as I reached him. "Somewhere away from all these humans. I can't think clearly here", I replied, turning back towards where we had come from half an hour earlier. Emmett glanced at me from the side and I could feel that he pitied me. "It's going to get easier you know. You'll soon have the pleasure to attend high school alongside Alice, Rose, Eddie, and me", he said as we crossed the street and I clenched my jaw. I knew he only wanted to make me feel better. But being pitied was nothing I enjoyed, and it only made the situation worse. I hated being this weak.

We eventually arrived at the outskirts of the city and picked up the pace, returning to the spot atop a hill we had spent the last hours, waiting for the sun to disappear. As I kneeled into the grass, I could hear Alice's voice in my head: _Jazz, not your new pants!_ I sighed, praying that she was fine before forcing my thoughts to focus on the task ahead. The faster we could find Peter and Charlotte, the sooner I would be back at her side again.

I placed my haul on the grass and opened the map, while Emmett curiously shifted through the cards. "That's the precious information you were after? Postcards?" I nodded, turning the one he held in his hand. "There's dates on the back. We need anything that is younger than two months", I explained, and Emmett quickly started to look for the desired cards. I helped him and we ended up with four cards. However, there was one from Calgary with my handwriting, which I quickly discarded as well.

"Winnipeg, Minneapolis, and Kansas City. What exactly does that tell us?", Emmett asked as I studied the map. "They're heading South. What are the dates on the cards?", I replied, without looking up. "The first one is from the 02nd of July. Minneapolis on the 21st, and Kansas City 11 days ago", he cited, and I nodded, studying the map for possible destinations from Kansas City. "If they kept their speed they could be in Dallas or Austin by now", Emmett proposed but I shook my head. "They would never head this far South." The massive vampire raised an eyebrow but then realised why none of us would ever head this far South ever again: "Oh, sorry. So then, East or West?"

That was the one-million-dollar question. I knew Charlotte was especially fond of Tennessee, however since it was summer, this would be a though area for them to stay in. Heading Northwest was what I would have done. Peter had told me that they hadn't been on the Westcoast for a while, so it was likely they were running in our direction as we spoke. If they had not decided to spend the rest of the summer in Europe. I truly hoped this was not the case. If they reached the ocean before we found them, there was no way to tell where they emerged on the other continent.

"Denver. That is as long as they weren't heading towards Europe, in which case we have no way of catching them in time for the wedding", I finally concluded. Peter wouldn't miss out on the opportunity to empty our p.o. box in Denver if they truly were heading West. "Denver? You sure?", Emmett asked as I folded the map back up. "No, but it's most likely that they would stop there to hunt if they were truly heading West. A few drained bodies don't really attract too much attention in a big city like this", I elaborated, and he started to smile: "Any chance we could make a pit stop in Yellowstone? I would really love to hunt a few bears."

We left the city behind us and headed east along hood river towards Umatilla National forest from which we crossed into Payette and eventually Sawtooth National forest. However, we left the cover of the trees as soon as the darkness of the night covered our tracks and dashed along Great Salt Lake through Idaho and eventually into Colorado. The sun was raising again, when we reached Rawlins and turned south toward the Forests. Heading into the City during the daytime was no option, so we decided to scour the woods west of Denver first.

Night was almost here again, and we were now heading towards the city, when I suddenly caught a familiar scent. Peter and Charlotte had been through here not long ago. The trail was fresh, less than an hour old. "They have been through here. Can you handle going a little faster?", I muttered towards Emmett and sped up immediately. The brown-haired vampire followed, but I could feel his confusion. "How do you know?", he finally asked, and I took a sharp right. "Can't you smell them?" He shook his head: "Definitively not at that speed. But then, I don't know them." I nodded slightly and continued following Peter's scent.

We were getting closer, the trail getting stronger, when I suddenly noticed a flash in the corner of my eye. My instincts kicked in and I rolled to the side just in time to avoid my attacker. Instantly recognizing the blonde vampire that flew past me, I twirled around and shouted: "Peter don't!" But it was too late, my old brother-in-arms had already jumped Emmett and tackled him to the ground. "Jasper?", Charlotte, my attacker, asked confusedly as she recognized me. However, I had already turned towards Emmett and Peter, who were stumbling to their feet again. I helped Emmett up and then turned towards my friends.

"Sorry Major, we didn't realise it was you", Peter apologized, a big smile on his face and held out his hand. I took it without hesitation and returned his smile. "No hard feelings, I would have done the same. Although I am a bit disappointed you didn't recognize me." Charlotte laughed and came closer to hug me. "Well, in our defence: We didn't expect to see you this soon again and your companion isn't exactly of Alice's… stature. Where is your lovely mate by the way?", she explained and let go again, stepping to Peter's side. "Ah yes. Peter, Charlotte, meet Emmett. He's part of the family Alice and I were looking for when we last met", I introduced them, and Emmett shook their hands as well. "Nice to meet you. That attack was great Peter, would you be up to spar later?"

I couldn't help but chuckle at Peter's surprised expression to this request. However, he quickly composed himself again and turned towards me. "So, where is Alice?", he politely ignored Emmets question, which made him pout. "She's back in Calgary… Planning our wedding.", I explained, and Charlotte squeaked when I mentioned the wedding. "Oh Jasper, we are so happy for you! Tell us everything!"

In the end, it turned out that there was a lot I had to tell them. How Alice and I found Carlisle and his family, how they received us, and mainly, how this wedding came about. "Of course, we'll be there. When is the big day?", Peter asked, once I finished my tale and formally invited them. This time Emmett was quicker and replied in my stead: "On the 30th." Charlotte looked at me with big eyes. "August? But that's only a few weeks from now!" I nodded and remembered what Alice had told me: "Alice said I should tell you, that she'll take care of your attire. You don't need to worry about anything. And that you are very welcome to stay with us until the big day, if you want to." Peter and Charlotte exchanged a quick look before accepting with a large smile: "We would love to."

We didn't hesitate any longer before leaving and heading back north. Emmett was buzzing with excitement about his hunting prospects. I had eventually given in and promised we would cross through Yellowstone since it was night now. As soon as we crossed into the National forest, he took the lead and ran to the right and left, looking for a trail. "What is going on with him?", Peter asked, obviously irritated by his behaviour. "He's looking for a bear. They're his favourite", I explained, and both of my old friends looked at me in confusion.

When they first met Alice and she explained her golden and my – at that time – orange eyes to them, they had been at the same time surprised and intrigued. But after accompanying us on a hunt and trying our diet out for themselves, they quickly changed their minds. Animal blood was just as disgusting to them as it had been to me in the beginning. And since the killing didn't really bother them, they had no reason to commit to the struggle. To Peter, Alice and especially. I were crazy. "Jasper! I've got one, you game?", Emmett's voice boomed through the forest, but I shook my head. "Go ahead, I'm fine."

This was the opportunity I had been waiting for. I needed to talk to Peter, in private. I had nearly forgotten Carlisle's request, but when I saw Peter jump Emmett earlier, the memory had resurfaced. "I don't know how you are doing this", Charlotte commented as we watched Emmett disappear between the trees. "Well, I have a good reason", I replied, referring to both Alice and the depression I had previously been struggling with. But I couldn't think about this right now. I had to focus on the task at hand.

"There is something I need to ask you", I started and sat down on a fallen tree. "There was an incident with a human the other day... Edward and Carlisle, the other two males of the coven, were able to restrain me but it was a close call... I don't want to hurt them. Alice would be devastated. So, I agreed to train them", I explained, and Peter took a seat as well. He already understood where I was going with this. "Of course, we'll help wherever we can." Charlotte smiled and sat on my other side. "Of course, Jasper. But I don't really see why you would need us. After all, it was you who trained us both", she added, and I sighed.

"I'm not going to be teaching them how to fight newborns. I'll have to show them how to fight me. And if comes to fighting me, Peter is as close to an expert as we're going to get", I explained and my old friend put his hand on my shoulder: "Well, in this case, I'm looking forward to kicking your butt." I let head fall back and genuinely laughed at his comment: "As far as I can remember, this has never happened before, and I don't think it'll happen now." They both joined in and it felt good. I hadn't felt this careless in a long time.

xxxx

We reached the Cullen's house just after dawn four days after Emmett and I had left. Alice had of course seen us coming and was waiting in front of the house with the others. As soon as we emerged from the forest, she descended the stairs and ran towards us. "Alice, it's great to see you again. Jasper told us the amazing news, congratulations!", Charlotte exclaimed and diverted from Peter's side, directly into Alice's open arms. The two women hugged and started to jump up and down in excitement. "Thank you, I'm so glad Jasper and Emmett found you! It would not be the same if you weren't there", my angel replied and eventually let go of the blonde, proceeding to greet Peter as well, before appearing at my side and taking my hand.

I smiled down at her with a gentle smile and showed her how happy I was to be with her again through my gift. Her smile widened even more, and she sent me a wave of love and happiness in return, before turning back towards our guests. "Peter, Charlotte, these are Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, and Edward." They all shook hands and I could feel that Carlisle and Esme were truly happy to meet my dear friends. Edward and Rosalie were a bit more reserved, however the blonde was quickly distracted by her husband, who wrapped his arms around her waist and placed a kiss on her lips, that would have been better suited for a private moment.

"I bought you guys some new clothes and if you want to, you are happy to use our shower", Alice said, hooking into Charlotte and Peter's arms and leading them towards the house. They gladly accepted the offer. After all, as nomads, they didn't have the chance for a hot shower every day. While my mate led them up to our room and Emmett and Rosalie disappeared into the forest – undoubtedly to celebrate their reunion, I followed Esme, Carlisle, and Edward inside. The latter disappeared behind his piano while we took a seat in the living room and they filled me in on everything I had missed regarding the wedding.

"So, we thought it would be best if it was just you, Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie at the city hall, since we chose to keep the ceremony there as short as possible. Carlisle will then officiate a ceremony in the garden of our house in Harrisburg for family and friends", Esme explained and gently placed a hand on my arm. "You know Jasper, if all of this is too much for you, you just have to tell us. I'm sure we could stop Alice." – "I doubt that", a familiar voice interrupted, and I turned to look at Peter who was just entering the living room. "No offense Jasper, but I think even a whole army would have a hard time stopping her from something she wants. That woman is a force to be reckoned with." I smiled. He wasn't wrong. Even now, I could hear her pushing Charlotte to let her do her nails upstairs in our room.

"Peter, I'm glad to see that the clothes fit. Alice had to go on eye measurement", Esme said with a welcoming smile as my friend took a seat right next to me on the couch. "Yes, thank you for everything. We really appreciate it. We wouldn't want to stain your beautiful white couch", he answered with a thankful smile. "You like the couch? Oh, we have a few much more exquisite pieces of furniture upstairs, if you want to, I'll show you and Charlotte around the house later", Esme immediately replied, and Carlisle gently placed an arm around her shoulders. "That's a lovely idea darling. Why don't we use the time until Charlotte joins us and you tell us about you two. We would love to get to know Jasper's friends a bit better."

Peter hesitated for a moment, looking towards me for permission. Probably a from our old days. "It's fine, go ahead", I confirmed and listened, as he started to tell them about the years I spent with them – he was leaving out the ugly details of my depression and I was thankful for that – and his most recent travels with Charlotte. At some point, Alice and Charlotte joined us. They both had freshly painted nails and Charlotte was wearing a pretty red summer dress that Alice had undoubtedly picked out for her. Rosalie and Emmett returned at some point as well and soon after the house tour, Esme and Charlotte joined Rosalie and Alice for the wedding preparations. Carlisle had left for work and Peter and I decided to take a seat on the porch.

"Don't get me wrong, they are very welcoming and kind. But I don't think I will ever want to join a coven again. And honestly, I never saw you doing that either", he finally said as we watched the sun go down behind the trees and I sighed. "Actually, they refer to themselves as a _family_. But I'm still getting my mind wrapped around that one as well." Peter raised an eyebrow but didn't comment on this peculiarity. "Actually, I didn't see myself in a coven ever again as well", I admitted and ran a hand through my hair. "But then, we both swore to never go back South as well, and you went to Austin with Charlotte for her birthday when she asked." Peter chuckled. "Look at what these women have done to us."

"Well, they saved our lives. We have to give them credit for that", I added as my eyes brushed one of the scars on Peter's neck. We shared the crescent shaped marks, even though Peter and Charlotte didn't have nearly as many as I did. After all, Peter had only been with Maria for three years, and Charlotte was just a few months over her first year when they ran away. "Oh yes, they did a great job with that", he agreed and looked over to the dining room where the girls were sitting and discussing flower arrangements. "What do you say we get out here and see whether Alice has made you soft all the way yet", Peter proposed when his gaze returned to me and stood up, stretching his arms.

"I'm sure I can still take you", I assured him and got up as well. "Char, we are going out to spar. Do you want to join?", Peter asked without raising his voice, knowing that she could hear him despite the closed glass door that was between us. The blonde shook her head and gestured for us to go ahead. "Don't go overboard. I need my future husband intact for the wedding, Peter", Alice reminded us as we descended the steps to the garden. "Don't worry Alice, in three weeks our body heals pretty much all injuries", Peter joked, and I smacked him on the back of his head as I sped past him and into the forest.

I hadn't come to far, when I heard a snarl from behind and Peter jumped me. He got a hold of my shoulder and we both tumbled on the ground, rolling and stumbling in the clearing ahead of us. Peter slid out of his new button-down because he didn't want to ruin the shirt Alice bought him and I ensured that there were no humans in the area, before we both got into fighting stance. "Don't hold back. And remember to keep an eye out for any weak spots", I reminded, and he laughed before running towards me: "As if I've ever held back before."

It turned out he had been smart to take off his shirt, since mine ripped when we first clashed, when Peter's fingers searched for my neck but found the collar instead. However, I didn't let this stop me. After having to control myself more than ever before during the last months to ensure that I didn't threaten Alice's future with the Cullens, it felt incredibly freeing to just let my instincts take over and not hold back. I knew Peter could handle it if it got ugly. And it did get pretty ugly.

On the second attack, I got a hold of Peter's arm and twisted it behind his back, forcing the Texan onto his knees. He fought me and tried to get back up, but I didn't let go. Not until a small crack appeared along his elbow, accompanied by one of the most painful noises I knew. Peter stumbled to his feet again, just as Emmett and Edward appeared. "We can hear you all the way back to the house. Mind if we watch?", Emmett asked and jumped up the next tree, looking like a little kid about to watch his first rodeo. Edward climbed up another tree and took a seat on one of the sturdiest branches as well. "Fine with me", Peter announced and didn't give me the time to answer as well, before charging me again.

Thunder echoed through the forest as our marble bodies clashed in the air. His head shot forward, teeth lined with venom ready to bite down on my neck. But all he hit was air, as I pushed him from me with all my force. He flew across the clearing and crashed into a tree. The wood cracked and ached under his weight but eventually held up. Using the tree to push himself off, the blonde launched himself into the air once more and grabbed my upper arm as he landed. Rolling forward, I lunged myself at the ground, ripping off his hand that had held me in an iron grip. His scream echoed through the forest and I stopped in my tracks, gently removing his fingers from my flesh.

"You still don't know when to quit, do you", I commented as I threw the hand back over to him. Peter casually reattached it and while we waited for his fracture to heal, I noticed that Emmett and Edward were both watching us in astonishment and shock. It was understandable, after all they probably hadn't seen to many limbs come off in their time. For Peter and me, this was nothing out of the ordinary in training as well as in battle. "There was a time you used to call that my best quality", my friend commented and got back into fighting stance.

Peter didn't give up. He never did. That was one of the reasons why I started to like him so much back in the army. The other reason was his creative fighting style. He took whatever chance the environment or his opponent gave him and used is. This allowed him to get some good punches in, even though he was smaller, slower, younger, and less experienced than I.

I had the upper hand most of the time, but Peter's determination eventually paid off, as he managed get behind me. Using his full force, he kicked his foot into my spine, and my back cracked under the sheer force of his attack as I fell onto my knees. Within a split second, he was on top of me, his arms restraining mine and his foot on my neck, ready to rip my head off. "Awesome!", I heard Emmett exclaim from the tree and could feel how agitated he was. He couldn't wait to get his chance to spar as well. "Well done", I congratulated Peter as well, once he let my arms go. I staid down for a minute, waiting for my back to feel normal again before getting up.

We ran two more rounds, both of which I won, before we finally stopped, both pretty exhausted but in a very good mood. "I didn't think I would ever say that, but I missed this", I admitted as I shook my old friend's hand and handed him his shirt. "I get you", he replied just as Edward and Emmett jumped down from their trees and Emmett approached us. "Damn, that was amazing!", Emmett remarked, and I eluded the hand he wanted to plant on my shoulder. "Thanks", Peter replied and put his shirt on again. "Can I have a go as well?", the huge vampire continued but I shook my head: "Not now Emmett. You'll get your chance soon."

xxxx

Peter and I continued our training sessions over the next days and tried some different scenarios, different strategies, and approaches – until we were satisfied that we had enough we could share with Carlisle, Emmett, and Edward. "Are you sure you want to do this?", Peter asked as we made our way back to the house to get the boys and start the training. "I don't really have a choice. I can't risk injuring them if… when something like that happens again. It would break Alice's heart and jeopardize her vision of our future. I'm not willing to risk that", I explained as we crossed over the lawn and entered the house.

"Emmett, Edward, Carlisle?", I called out and it didn't take too long for all of them to appear. "What's going on?", Emmett asked as he descended the stairs, followed by Edward. Carlisle emerged from the kitchen as well. "Do you remember that hunt in Alaska where I lost control?", I asked and all of them nodded. "It was a pretty close call and Carlisle asked me to train you, in case something like that happens again. So that's what's going on", I explained and Emmett immediately started rubbing his hands together. "Are you saying we get to fight?"

We walked out to the clearing where Peter and I stopped. "Peter is probably the person that knows my fighting style the best. That's why he'll give you instructions", I explained and let my old friend have the word. "I don't really know your fighting styles but from what Jasper told me, none of you have real fighting experience. You'll be at a clear disadvantage, so don't even try to take him on alone", he started, and I clenched my jaw. He was direct, and I hoped that none of them would be offended. But so far, I couldn't sense anything of the like. They were all pretty eager to learn.

"Your major advantage will be the fact that he won't be able to focus on the fight if he's hunting", Peter continued and moved to stand next to me. "Your main goal is to restrain him, so that he can't hurt you or anyone else. Attack from behind or from the side and try to get a hold of the shoulders and arms. But make sure you don't get to close. Venom stings and if he's hunting, he will use every opportunity you give him." It was strange hearing the guy, that was like a brother to me, talk about taking me down like that. Hearing him and seeing the others listen attentively, I suddenly felt unwary about this. But it was too late to back out now. _For Alice_, I reminded myself as I stepped forward for the first demonstration.

"Let's try different pairings. Emmett and Carlisle first", Peter instructed, and they got into position. Faking my hunting behaviour wasn't easy and it took me a few sessions with Peter to get it down. However, now I was as ready as I would ever be to do this. Focussing on a spot on the other side of the field, I charged forward and tried everything to get to that spot, while the two tried to stop me. Carlisle didn't do too bad, but Emmett relied way too much on his strength, basically just wrapping his arms around my upper body. His grip was sloppy, and it wasn't hard to slip out of it. "Emmett, you need to be careful with your grip", Peter immediately corrected and showed him a better way to do it. We tried a second time, and this time around it was already much harder for me to get to the tree I had been charging towards.

After three more tries, Peter was satisfied and ordered Emmett and Edward to swap. This pairing was more interesting because of Edward's talent but Peter reminded the bronze-haired vampire not to rely too much on it. After all, there was no guarantee that my mind wouldn't be completely focused on the blood and hold no helping information at all. But even without his talent, Edward was a formidable fighter due to his speed. He would have been a very valuable asset in the war.

We tried all three possible pairs multiple times until our instructor was satisfied. At least for today. During the next week, we trained three more times until I was confident, that they all knew what to do in case I lost control again. When we weren't training, I spent most of my time with Peter, since most of the others were completely involved in wedding planning. I didn't mind this at all, having Peter around was great. It was a bit like old times – minus all the killing, blood and fighting.

We were finishing up the third and last training session, since Carlisle and Esme would leave for Harrisburg the next day, when Charlotte showed up. I was trying to wrestle free from Edward's and Emmett's hold of my arms, but they managed to pin me to the ground. "Good work, but Emmett be careful with your shoulder if you don't plan to get bitten", Peter commented and started to smile as he saw his mate approach. "What do you think, darlin'?", he asked her and pulled her close as Emmett and Edward helped me up. "I think that my life would have been much easier if I could do that, back then", Charlotte joked as I patted the dirt of my clothes.

"I was just coming to see whether you're finished. Peter and I really need to go hunting." I nodded: "Yes, we were just wrapping up. You guys go ahead." Emmett, Carlisle, and Edward stiffened at the thought of them hunting. "Where did you plan on going?", Carlisle finally asked, and I clenched my jaw. They promised not to hunt in the area, there was no reason to control them. "We were thinking about running west to Vancouver. We respect your rules Carlisle", Charlotte answered with a polite smile on her lips. "Let's run", Peter said, they vanished behind the trees a second later.

When we returned to the house, I sought out my angel. We hadn't spent much time together during the last two weeks because she had been busy planning our wedding and I had spent most of the time with my old friends. But now that they were hunting and Esme had to pack for their trip to Harrisburg, I hoped that we would have some time to ourselves.

I found her in our bedroom, writing something into the little notebook she had been carrying around ever since the whole planning started. I gently knocked against the doorframe before entering, and she raised her eyes, quickly closing the book. "You are such a gentleman, knocking before entering your own room", she commented smiling and stored the book in her bedside table. "Darlin', are ya hidin' somethin' from me?", I asked. Having spent so much time with Peter, my twang had grown stronger and I didn't bother hiding it with Alice. After all, I knew she loved it. "Oh, you'll get to hear them soon enough", she replied with a huge smile and I closed the door behind me. "Hear what?" – "My vows", she replied, and l crossed the room to take a seat next to her. Pulling her onto my lap, I inquired whether she had seen mine already. "No, they keep changing", she replied, and I smiled in triumph. "Good."

Alice smiled as well and ran a hand through my hair. "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?" She was right. I had made about 14 different drafts for my vows so far and kept changing them on purpose. This was probably the only thing in the entire affair, I could keep from her. And I would everything to ensure that it staid this way. "I love you, Jasper", Alice interrupted my thoughts and placed her lips on mine, making me forget everything except for her.

I kissed her back and gently let my hands wander up her back. "I'm sorry I didn't have much time for you lately, I just want everything to be perfect", she apologized when I proceeded to kiss her neck. "Alice, we have both been busy the last days. And that's okay. Honestly, what's a few days if we are going to have eternity together?", I replied between kisses and she sighed happily, closing her eyes. We weren't alone in the house and thus I didn't feel comfortable taking this too far. But nothing spoke against me extensively caressing my soon-to-be wife.

My lips wandered along her neck and shoulder, while her fingers started to unbutton my shirt. Her fingers slid beneath the fabric and I closed my eyes, as she let them wander over my chest to my shoulders and then down my back, at the same time removing the shirt completely. The fabric fell to the ground next to the bed and was joined by Alice's dress shortly after. Pulling her closer, we both sighed at the feeling of our skin touching. My hands wandered along her back, caressing every inch of her perfect body as our lips met again and I tore down the wall that kept my emotions from flowing into her.

"That gift of yours truly is a blessing", Alice whispered into my ear and I smiled, placing a kiss on her neck. "Yours isn't half bad as well. After all, it brought me to you." She chuckled and placed a finger on my chest. "You certainly kept me waiting long enough." I laughed and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "I'm sorry ma'am." Pure joy streamed through Alice's veins as she recalled the night we first met. "You're forgiven. All that matters is that you're with me now", she eventually said, pulling my head closer and connecting our lips once more, before she laid her head down on my shoulder and started tracing the hundreds of half-moons engraved in my marble skin, starting with the ones right below my jaw.

"I talked to Esme about our honeymoon today", she said, placing a kiss on the rugged scar that marked a small chunk of flesh that had never been recovered. I raised an eyebrow. This was not a topic I would have thought Esme would involve herself in. "Carlisle bought her this beautiful little island just off the coast of Rio de Janeiro a few years ago and Esme offered to lend it to us for the honeymoon, if we want it", she explained and I placed a kiss on her jugular, tasting her emotions. She was overall very happy and of course full off love. But her usual excitement was dulled. And I had a good guess why. "You don't really want to leave, do you?", I voiced my thoughts and placed a finger beneath her chin, so that she had to look me in the eyes.

"Honestly: no. I've spent so long dreaming about being a part of this family. And now that we're finally here, it's hard to leave again", she admitted, taking my hand from her chin and interlacing our fingers. "Then why don't we just postpone our honeymoon? We can wait until it feels right for both of us", I proposed, and the smile returned to my beautiful mate's face. "Who knows, maybe I'll be able to take you to Paris by then", I added, watching how her eyes grew wide from excitement. "Oh Jazz, what a wonderful idea", she exclaimed, pressing her lips against mine once more. I smiled into the kiss. When we first met, Alice had told me about all the places she wanted us to visit together. And Paris – the metropole of fashion and love – was on the very top of that list.

Unfortunately, my mate grew stiff in my arms a few minutes later, as a vision announced Esme. She and Alice had some things to discuss before they left for Harrisburg and so, we had no other option than to untangle ourselves and get dressed again. I gave the girls some privacy and went working on version 15 of my vows.

During the next days, I completed 8 more drafts, each one different from the other, all to trick Alice's visions. I kept them in my purse, so that I could create a final version on the day itself. By then Alice would be too preoccupied, to look out for what I was going to say to her during the ceremony. Or so I hoped at least. I was pretty busy as well, since Peter showed up at the door of our bedroom, asking me to teach him how to drive a car a few days later. The request came out of nowhere, but I was happy to help my friend. So, we got into the Jaguar and I started to explain him everything.

Peter was a quick learner and we were already taking a small tour the next day. He seemed to genuinely enjoy the alternative mode of travel and I could understand him. Although I never had been as fond of cars as Alice or – as I had learnt – Rosalie, I liked the Jag. "So, are you ready for the wedding", Peter asked as we drove back towards the house and I couldn't help but stiffen. My friend immediately noticed the change in my posture. "Jasper, everything okay? You just tensed up immensely. You aren't having second thoughts, do you?" I shook my head and gestured him to shift gears, before answering: "It's not the wedding. But Emmett keeps talking about this bachelor party he has planned, and I don't really know whether that is a good idea."

Peter stopped at a red light and turned towards me: "He told you what we're going to do? I thought it was this huge secret." I shook my head again. "Maybe that's the problem. Emmett being Emmett he is probably planning something crazy", I explained, and Peter laughed. "Don't tell me the fearsome Major I know is scared of a party." I boxed him into the arm as he started to drive down the highway again. "Well, what would you like him to have planned", Peter finally asked, and I paused. I didn't really have a reply ready. I never asked for a stag night. I wasn't sure if I even wanted one.

"That's what I thought", Peter replied as he turned into the driveway of the Cullen house. "Look Jasper, it's perfectly normal if you don't know what you would like. When Charlotte and I left the army, it took us five years to figure out what we wanted to with the rest of our life. Back down there, all we did was fight, hunt, and kill. I hardly remembered if I had any hobbies before being turned, when we left. I can only imagine how it must be for you." I turned to look at him. Was he right? Did I truly not know what I wanted to do with my life?

"Look at it this way: Whatever he has planned, it's a change to figure out whether you like it. And if you don't, you're still a step further in discovering what you are going to do with that immortal life of yours", Peter suggested, turning off the engine and getting out of the car. I paused for a moment, running his thoughts through my head, before following him into the house.

I was still thinking about what he had said earlier, when we started playing chess in the living room. There was some truth to his remark. I knew that I wanted to be with Alice. This was the first and foremost purpose of my life. I was also determined to never return to my previous life. And I wanted to keep as far from the depression that had haunted me for over a decade as possible. But other than that? I didn't really have any goals in life when I left Maria with Peter and Charlotte. The lives I had taken, weighed to heavy on my shoulders. And this state continued for the next years. Until I found Alice.

From the moment I met her, my life was changed completely. It only took a few weeks until I fell head over heels for her and when she became my mate, all her goals became mine. All I ever wanted since, was to see her happy. And one of the most important ingredients for her happiness had been finding the Cullens. But we did all this. Alice was happier than ever, and I was going to get to marry her. And after that? I didn't know.

Maybe Peter was right. Just as Alice finally started to really live - planning our wedding, going to college, learning to sew from Esme – I would have to figure out what I wanted. What it meant to be Jasper Whitlock, vegetarian vampire and husband to Alice.

"Checkmate. Are you letting me win? You're not this easy to beat usually", Peter ripped me from my thoughts, and I ran a hand through my head. "Sorry, I was distracted." He nodded knowingly and was about to say something, when Rosalie interrupted him from outside: "Jasper, Peter, Emmett, Edward! Get down here, I've got your suits." Since Peter and I already were on the ground level, we were the first ones by her side, and she placed numerous garment bags and boxes into our arms.

I got handed an especially huge, white box and looked at it in confusion. Sliding a finger under the lid to lift it, I wondered: "What comes in such a huge box?" Rosalie's manicured hand quickly flew down on the lid, preventing me from opening it. "Don't you dare, Jasper! This is Alice's dress." She took the box away from me again and shoved it into the arms of her arriving husband. Alice appeared in the front door and clasped her hands together: "Which one, Rose?" I turned and looked at her with wide eyes: "There are more than one?!"

* * *

_**A/N: I hoped you liked this chapter! Sorry for the long wait... This one turned out extra long :-) The next one is going to be the bachelor party and, of course, the big day. Who's excited?**_


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